Cobalt Blue
by SnowbarryFamily
Summary: Through rough patches and high rises Barry Allen has to find his way through the dark, something to hold onto & a rock to keep him steady. But the question is Will he succeed and rise to the challenge? Learning to love himself and possibly that special someone.. Or will he succumb to the misery and dispair of the hands that determine his fate. [Eventual Snowbarry] [Trigger Warning]
1. Chapter 1

"Bartholomew Henry Allen? I need you to sit up and look straight ahead.."

Everything fades into silence as he looked up at her. The light was blinding but nothing in comparison to that of his headache, the pounding in the back of his head that reminded him he was still conscious. It was a fist fight after all, always is, nothing he can avoid or fight his way away from as long as jocks like him existed. Funny, how the kid who could spit out math equations far ahead of his regarded IQ, never found the smarts to back down on situations he knew would only lead to blood and bruises.

He told himself he wouldn't get involved with Ronnie because he shouldn't. It was his decision after all so he should listen to himself and suck it up. But how could he when everything he said pushed his buttons and went against all the moral codes he was taught to follow and respect all his life? Then he reminded himself why he got himself in this situation in the first place. He sat up and stared into the bright white light the school nurse shone in his eyes and awaited his dismissal.

* * *

It was 6th grade when they first met. He was bumped up a grade for his superior intelligence, an unwelcoming significance that already put him on the bottom of the social scale (which didn't help as he was already picked on for his scrawny physique; Probably the reason his dad branded him with a nickname). Ronnie was being forced to stay back a year, something he was recommended to do last year but somehow cheated his way out of. He was about to get away with skipping class when he ran into Barry at the door, outwitted for sure when he noticed the teacher right behind him directing them both into class. He did nothing but scowl at the endearing brown haired brainiac with bright blue eyes, already figuring he'd work as his next feasible victim. He looked at Ronnie with the most sincere smile, drawing his hand from his books to extend it for a gratified and amusement filled welcome but Ronnie just rolled his eyes and sat at the back of the class to avoid getting caught when deciding not to pay attention to the lesson. The class was silent for a moment until the teacher spoke his name and addressed his presence to the class; The new kid. Barry declined the invitation and told her an introduction to the class wasn't necessary, but his choice of vocabulary just made her laugh and she do away with her antics anyways. That's when he caved in, not just because of the use of his full name during her introductory sentence, but the silly explanation of how he had come from a lower grade looking for more of a challenge in this one - nothing the class needed to know, but they did now. This was when he realized the stammered look of defeat on Bartholomew Allen's face suited him well, it kind of made him look less intimidating - as if a bully could be intimidated, especially by a nerd but that still seemed to be the case.

"I'm Barry. What's your name?" When he didn't respond, he tried again. And again. Until he finally brought him back to senses and away from the far focus that was his phone, by calling him by his unfavorable full name.

"Ronald Raymond, correct?"

"Huh?! What did you just call me?"

"Is that not your name? I could've sworn the teacher called you that as she ushered you back into class"

"No! It's not my name and I never want to hear you call me that again. Got it?"

"Okay, man. Geez. What does it take to make friends around here?" He said rhetorically as he pulled his chair closer up to his desk and set a full attention span towards the teacher. "But truthfully, What is your name then?" He asked only moments later, the curiosity inside him was building.

"Ronnie" he replied in an exasperated tone of voice, not afraid to show the anger behind the constant questioning.

"Well, that's not a bad name. I don't know why you'd be ashamed of it, at least it's not Bartholomew" He breathed, picking up his bags and making and exit as he already had full permission to leave class once he'd completed the required assessments. "See you around, Ronnie"

"Yeah. See you around, Bartholomew." He released the firm grip he had on his phone, watching him and his smart-ass attitude walk out of class sent a relief down his spine. He really wanted to strangle that kid. Barry gets to skip a grade meanwhile he's held back for almost 2 years straight, where's the justification in that? He was just glad he didn't have to see him again. There's nothing like being around a know-it-all all day.

But no. He did see him soon after their initial interaction though the many attempts he made in trying not to. The only thing holding him back from a fateful encounter was the consequential threat of being suspended, or rather expelled from yet another middle school. Lucky for Barry.

Years have passed and he was forced to grow up although not completely forgetting the pieces of his childhood. (Specifically that fateful day he met him) He still believed there was a chance of friendship between the two of them, but with every passing notion his regards were always shoved 2 steps behind where he started. But why couldn't there be? Barry always had faith in others. Yes, there were times Ronnie made his intentions adamant enough to make Barry stop trying because it was just soo damn annoying to hear his happy go lucky outlook on life and persistence on equality but nothing more, nothing less. Agreed, it was silly of him to dwell on it too much because some day he would have to grow up and let go of the petty friendships made in middle school, learn to realize it would not matter just as much as it did at this moment in time. He would have to pave way for things that are yet to come, for things that would really matter. And who knows? Maybe knowing him would play a significant role in his future, not just somebody who is a mere memory of his past, but somebody who would help him get where he needed to be in the future. Its what his parents always told him, what they always wanted their little boy to believe because when the ungodly hour was too cruel for him; It never hurt to know you had friends out there who would be willing to help you get through your toughest days.

And maybe if he tried hard enough in those years to come, he'd actually gain more friends than just his mom and dad.

* * *

It was his grade 8 graduation when it all went downhill. Their so called 'friendship' he was trying to pursue for a couple of years now had finally rounded the corner for unfortunate events. The same light-tanned skin he managed to coerce into an intangible fist followed by the defined tricep and deltoid muscle that were very expressive as he had witnessed many times before, were suddenly materializing in front of him. It was so surreal had he had a moments notice he could have calculated the velocity at which it were coming towards him but he was left staring at him with unbelievable eyes and quite an embarrassingly gaped mouth. He was too oblivious to his surroundings at this point that he didn't hear his name being called to take his walk down the aisle and stand center stage to receive his diploma. He seemed to recognize the motion in front of his face too (because he often witnessed Ronnie beat the pulp out any kid who dared even look at him wrong) and just like Deja-vu it was happening to him. There was no way he'd be snapping into his senses any time soon.

"Bartholomew? You want to be friends?" The amusement in his tone and the beaming smile he wore across his features was nothing compared to the smug self-gratified expression hiding behind it.

"Yeah. Of course I do" His smile is cheeky and he tries hard not to show his overwhelming distress by teasing back with a, "I've only been trying for 2 years now for you to finally say the words."

"I never will be. And you know what kid? You better stop with this gay 'lets be friends' bullshit, or you're going to end up with this pained expression more often that not. In fact, it kind of suits you." He replied with a wicked smirk of his.

"I've got to say those are some punctual words for a student with such intellect as you. Especially since your the one straddling me like I'm some sort of body pillow or whatnot." Where he got the confidence to say that, he didn't know. And it's kind of unnerving what his reaction may be especially after one blow to the jaw knocked him straight to the floor. But when he quickly gets up and removes himself from atop of him, his worries quickly flush down the drain.

"Funny. Don't worry I won't waste my time on you. Like I'm getting suspended on the day I can finally leave this hell hole. Just know payback is a bitch, Bartholomew."

"Yeah, yeah, just like all those other kids you pummeled into the ground before me. Why don't you just go pick up your diploma before they hold you back another year for significant incompetence." He scowled at his knowledge of being held back.

"Just.. Shut up Bartholomew!" He inched closer to him about to take a hold of the lapel of his shirt. "Whenever the hell you thought you could speak to me like that, doesn't exist. Now get out of my face before you say something you really regret." At that he pulled himself together, straightened his tuxedo and turned his focus to the graduates that were supposed to be the center of their attention in the first place, wiping the grimacing scowl from his lips.

He was at a loss of words and all he could think of was how intimidated but thankful he felt after his encounter with Ronnie. He's afraid to speak in case it were to happen again. It took a while before he composed himself and a little more to focus his attention to the ceremony rather than the muscular jock standing before him.

When he heard them call his name, he walked up center stage and received his honorary diploma. Nora looked at Henry to ask him why they had to call his name 4 times before he came down the aisle but he just shrugged and replied with a, "He'll be late to his own funeral, it's his signature." When she stared at him, he continued speaking. "I mean, I'll have a talk with him and his tardy behavior? When his ceremony is over first, at least -"

"Henry."

"- I'll take away his Xbox, there won't be any TV time for the first 2 weeks of summer vacation, no books to read in the mean time and -"

"Henry!"

"Wha-Yeah?"

"There's no need."

"No need for what?"

"Discipline; He's only 13, it's astounding he's graduating at such young an age to begin with. Giving him some slack for being late isn't a bad thing every once in a while"

"Oh yeah, right. He is still young"

"Now, let's be quiet; Look, he's smiling at us!"

"I'm so proud of him"

He told himself to ignore the pain in his jaw and stand tall with a bright smile as the parents ushered him off stage with a round of applause, and it worked to his avail. When his classmates awarded him with another round of applause he found himself insisting they don't make a big to do about it but the confidence in his expression showed otherwise. They just congratulated him like they did the rest of the students and eventually he found himself taking a seat within the group. (Which wasn't too big compared to the class Barry should actually be graduating with) So instead of indulging in self loath any longer than the average person, he raised his hands in the air too and started applauding the next student that took the stage.

"So, you headed to Central City high, huh? Have you figured out what you want to be yet?" She asked, remembering a conversation she had with Ronnie a few weeks prior.

"Hmm. Actually I've been thinking of getting into forensics" He said casually

"You don't say?" She looked at him with wide, unbelieving eyes.

"I think it would be fun. I've always fancied bio-chemistry and my best friend's dad works at CCPD"

"Wait. So does that also mean you're telling me that your parents are allowing you into the forensics program they're offering at Central City high next year?"

"Yeah, I guess I am"

"And you don't even sound the least bit excited that you're participating in that? Are you aware of how many students have been dying to get accepted into that program and been rejected, now having to rethink they're high school experience because their dreams were shattered? If I were you I'd -" before she could finish off with her rambling, Barry looked over and came face to face with her.

"Okay, I'll let you in on a little secret, I'm actually -" He paused and found himself at a loss of words, he was face to face with the most popular girl in school. Seeing him like that, so adorably speechless under her focus, made her turn into a fit of giggles. Giggles that quickly turned into her biting her lip to suppress them, before she turned from that of an utterly beautiful canvas to that of an adorably embarrassed girl when the M.C's of tonight's ceremony usher her to quiet down.

"You don't have to be scared. I won't bite if you wish to continue talking to me, I enjoy holding a conversation with somebody who actually knows what they're talking about." She quipped and sent him her trademark smile while crossing her one leg over the other and straightening her posture.

"Oh do you now?" He quirked an eyebrow towards her.

"Yeah. And I think you're really proving to be quite an intelligent young man at that." And she had this adorable smile plastered on her face and he couldn't do anything but smile at her antics.

"Well, I'm happy to hear that. But just so you know, I'm not scared to talk to you, see? So you have nothing to worry about." He admitted although behind that façade was his lingering fear just waiting to show.

"Okay that's good. I honestly didn't think you had the confidence to speak to me, not many people do, Mr. Allen" She winked at him wearing this overly noticeable blush.

"How did you -" he looked at her confused.

"It says it on your name tag." He sent her a look of relief, only to raise an eyebrow at her when he realized he wasn't wearing one. "They called you up to the stage 4 times, Barry Allen" She smiled back at him. He pouted.

"You owe me a proper apology for that" When she raised an eyebrow at him he continued. "For teasing me and embarrassing me. It hurt my feelings" He dramatically said while pointing at his.. well it wasn't his name tag for sure. She just rolled her eyes at him and said, "Okay, fine. I'm sorry Barry, do you forgive me?"

"Nope. Not like that. Not when your about to laugh again."

"Fine, what do you want me to do?"

"Let me talk to you again. I've never gotten the chance to hold a conversation with you and It's really been quite the pleasure." He had a hopeful smile on his face and it only widened when she agreed.

Their conversation came to a close just in time for the last graduate to take a spot on stage, finally receiving his diploma, than taking a seat beside his girlfriend. Ronnie, and Caitlin, who would've guessed.

* * *

It has been over a year of dancing around each other when he finally decided to take the chance and talk to her again. He thought that maybe she wouldn't want to be bothered now that prom is right around the corner and leaving her to do her own thing was the best option but he could never decide that for her so he couldn't think of a better timing than now. With a lot of fidgeting and nervous babbling when getting close to her and her noticing how extremely weird he was acting (well, weirder than he normally is) He decided it was now or never.

"Cait, there's something I wanted to tell you." He whispered over at her while they closely held their attention towards lesson at hand, listening but not looking at the teacher.

"Yeah? There's something I need to tell you, too." She pulled her face away from the microscope slowly so that she's meeting his gaze. Seeing the sparkles in her eyes with her words, he urged her to speak first.

"Since you look so happy to tell me, why don't you go first?" He said, giving her an encouraging smile.

"Okay here goes. You remember that paper I received at grad? The one I refused to show anybody because it was just too private?"

"Yeah, the one that had you clinging to it all night like a grumpy human being without their morning coffee"

"Why, thank you for that very detailed description Mr. Allen." Her tone laced with as much sarcasm as she can muster. "But that said paper wasn't to be opened until my 14th birthday. Now I want you to guess what day is that?"

He gave a staggering sigh knowing full well she has to be talking about today, but seeing her so excited and happy like this made him want to give into her whims. "Hmm, maybe it's the nineteenth of September.. last year?"

"Yes! The one and same. Can you believe it? But that's not the best part." He swore that by this moment her smile had reached her ears literally, not that he minded though.

"Okay, what's the best part?" He asked, making her light up like a kid waiting to open her Christmas presents.

"Our research advisor talked to me the other day and told me if I continued working on that paper I'll have a huge chance of getting a good recommendation into the university I've had my eyes set on since my dad - never mind. The only thing is, I've never opened that paper until today.."

"That's great! - wait, what?" His voice didn't sound as happy as he had hoped. It was a mixture of surprise and wonder, and of course he was happy for her but for the first time in forever she had managed to successfully confuse him. He could have sworn she was older than him (especially because her birthday celebrations are very well known around the school) but he must've been wrong. A lot has changed in the past few years but still here he was, too absorbed in that thought, thinking maybe the girl he talked to that one fateful day on stage (whom he'd been crushing on ever since) was just messing with him in the only way she knew how. It was silly of him to make age his priority in life when he could barely afford to go to school. He was too caught up with the idea that she, herself, was just like him and he'd be dammed if he were to ever let that secret slip out. Sensing that something's wrong with him she asked, "Bar, are you alright?"

"Yeah I'm fine. Its just that I'm really happy for you. But I seriously think your pulling my leg on that one, you can't be younger than the youngest student here, can you?" He teased to lighten the mood which she replied with a playful smack on the shoulder.

"You know I don't want the whole school knowing about that. Besides, it's only by two months, you can't be that jealous."

"Whatever you say, Cait. So going back to this paper thingy, does it mean you would be a slave to your laptop for one more year? My, I don't even want to imagine how you'll multitask your phone into all that homework."

"You just have to tease me about that don't you? It was one time and I really wasn't that engrossed in my phone, I was just.. needing to check it. Now I'm starting to doubt if this is good after all. I wouldn't have a life anymore and I sure can't have any distractions along the way." She let out a heavy sigh and the cheerful expression she had moments ago is slowly disappearing.

"Yeah, that may be true. But you don't have a life to begin with do you? So that's nothing you have to worry about."

"Hey! I do have a life. I study, I cook, I read, I talk to you and lots of other stuff."

"You just spelled out to me that you clearly don't have a life. Well, except for the part where you talk to me because that's totally awesome." He said with that confident smile of his.

"Yeah right." She replied, giving her famous eye role than lowering her volume. "Speaking of which, what were you gonna tell me?"

Deciding that maybe this isn't the perfect timing to confess he just wanted to talk to her again, (which was totally worth it to him by the way) he just thought of the first thing that came into his mind - that wasn't her. "It's nothing really. I just wanted to tell you about..."

"About what?"

"About.. the.. the upcoming theatrics performance next week. You're going to be there, right?"

"Of course, I'll be there. Although I can't sing so I will very much so be just an audience member."

"Yeah right. I've heard you humming over your homework before. So you'd be cheering for me then?" He asked with a hopeful smile.

"Being there is one thing, but cheering for you? I doubt you can even sing." She replied with a playful grin.

"Aww. Come on, Cait. It would really mean a lot to me you know."

"Oh? Tell me why that would be?"

"Because you really mean a lot to me and to have my source of inspiration sitting in the front, center row of the audience would give me enough courage to anything and everything I've ever wanted to do." That's what he wanted to say but deciding against it he shrugged and said, "Because it's the last performance of this school year and it's really important to me and you've never heard me sing before. And I couldn't give it my best if I didn't see my personal mascot cheering for me down there, in the centre of the first row. Like she always has for each of the school performances. Wouldn't wanna risk anything less than a perfect for my last performance, right?" He said trying his best to convince her with his puppy - dog eyes.

"Okay fine. But I'm only doing this because you won't be the only one performing. And for the record I am so not your personal mascot."

"Oh but you are, Ms. Snow" His smile was too sincere she couldn't do anything but groan in acceptance.

"You're the best there is." He added which only made him tingly inside.

"I know." She smiled at him then buried her focus back into the microscope within her hands trying to hide her crimson red cheeks.

As they spent the rest of class talking about everything and nothing, he decided this was where he wanted to be. Although he believed that this wasn't the right time for them - even though he's already hers, irretrievably under her spell - he still had hopes that someday they'll find their own way to be together. But for now, he'll just admire her from a distance, sneaking love letters into her locker while waiting for that special day.

* * *

It was the middle of their freshman year and everything was going as smoothly as he had hoped. Between sneaking love letters and trying his best not to get caught by her or him together with teasing her about this 'secret admirer' of hers (which was totally him by the way but he only did the teasing part just so he knows what she thinks of his letters), and everything seemed pretty much the same until one day he encountered a problem in the form of a 'he'.

The last bell rang and with routine he was waiting for her at the end of the hall, knowing that's the route she'll take when she's done packing away her things in her locker like she usually did.

"So did your secret admirer leave you yet another sappy poetic love note? Or did he finally realize that your eyes were set on - what did you call it the other day? Oh right, your popularity, your popularity thesis." He seemed confident on the outside but secretly he was dying to know what she thought of his latest masterpiece.

"Actually he did send me one today, but I never got to read it, sadly."

"Wait what? Why didn't you get to read it? He must've put so much effort into that, I imagine it was beautiful."

"What do you mean? I think it's up to me to determine whether it's beautiful or not. Why are you so nosey about what I think about his notes anyways? If I hadn't known better I'd have thought it was you leaving them in my locker." She narrowed her eyes at him.

"What?! Why would I do that?!" He quipped, trying to play it cool. "Unlike him, I already accepted the fact that you were pretty smitten about your school work and are far too focused on your future career to have any time for love-"

"Okay, I get it. You don't have to be that defensive Y'Know?"

"I am not. I was just saying that this guy seems to really be putting a lot of effort into making sure you smile at least once a day, so you could've given him more credit than to not read the note all together."

"I would've given him more, if I hadn't set my eye on somebody else." She replied with playful wink.

"Am I hearing you right or did you just say you were eyeing somebody else? Oh my, who would've guessed the science prodigy Caitlin Snow, herself, would indulge in something as petty as love." By this time he was practically jumping out of his own skin he was so excited (though he tried his best to refrain from showing it on the outside) and the determination he didn't know he had was beginning to settle its way within his bones.

"For your information Mr. Allen, I may be into everything that is geeky and nerdy most the time but it doesn't mean I still don't do romance."

"Yeah? If that's so, can you tell me about this guy you've been keeping your eye on?" He couldn't help the curiosity welling up inside of him, silently praying that maybe, just maybe, it'd be his name to slip through put of her mouth.

"Well, I've actually been -"

"Caitlin!" A dark haired boy with a backpack slung over his shoulder called put to them as they approached the exit.

"Ronnie! What are you doing here?" She asked, slightly caught off guard but excited to see him.

"I was wondering I can walk you home? I just transferred here from Starling City High and I know we haven't seen each other in a while but I don't think it's safe for you to go home alone."

"She's not alone." Barry who was just as shocked as Caitlin (certainly not in the same context, for sure) decided he couldn't stand to see or hear his annoying mockery. Why was he here anyways? They purposely made it clear it was best to attend different high schools (Barry having already pulled the short straw, because he had his eyes set on high school in Starling City since he knew what high school was).

"I didn't know you were with him, Caitlin" Ronnie questioned her while scanning Barry from head to toe; Disgusted.

"Right, how silly of me. Ronnie this is Barry, he's a friend and Barry this is Ronnie, he's my uhm.. well, my boyfriend."

"It's nice to see you again, Barry." Ronnie chuckled extending a hand in Barry's direction.

"Yeah, you too" Barry replied, returning the gesture. "But if you'll excuse me, I think it'd best for me to get going, you two have a lot of catching up to do.." He said grabbing Caitlin's attention with the sudden foot - dragging attitude.

"Wait -"

"He can go. Mr. & Mrs. Allen wouldn't want to be kept waiting for their little boy to return. Trust me when I say you wouldn't want to ruin your goody two shoe recognition." He teased while taking Caitlin by the arm.

"Aww, don't tell me your afraid of a little obedience. Or do you need Cait to define what that word means, too?" Barry teased earning a glare from Caitlin which he just shrugged with a seemingly innocent, "what?"

"Hey, can you excuse us for a second? I just want to talk to Barry privately." She smiled at him then dragged Barry a safe distance away.

"Okay, what was that about?" She questioned waiting for a reasonable answer.

"What? Nothing. I'm just being friendly, that's all." He uncomfortably answered.

"Come on, Barry. We both know that was far from being friendly, Spill it." She said giving him an all too intimidating glare.

He groaned in response. Sometimes he wished he didn't have to explain himself, especially in uncharted territory like this.

"Fine. I don't like him okay? Who does he think he is, barging in here and acting like he owns the place."

"Barry he's just being nice. Besides, he's my boyfriend and wanted to come see me. Its not like he's trying to cause trouble or anything."

"Yeah, like I would believe that." He mumbled to himself.

"What was that?"

"Nothing. I just said that I hope you have fun walking home with him."

"Yeah. And don't worry about us, this doesn't mean we still can't be friends." She replied with a smile.

"Whatever you say. I just don't think he likes me that much or at all for that matter. Plus, we have history."

"I know. Just imagine dating him when your the most popular girl in your grade. Come on, you still have some apologizing to do." She said and was about to drag Barry back into the vicinity of Ronnie when he halted to a stop and asked, "What? Why would I do that?"

"You were rude to him, and you know it."

"Didn't you see the way he looked at me from head to toe? If that wasn't rude than I don't know what is."

"Barry, please, can you just -"

"No. I can't believe you're taking his side, Cait."

"I'm not taking anyone's side here, okay? I'm just asking you to humble yourself and apologize so we can get over this and go in our separate ways without any problems."

"You're actually letting him take you home, Cait?" He almost screamed at her in utter disbelief, but it only came out in a high pitch voice crack.

"I want to, okay? I thought we established I'm dating him. And when your dating someone you don't blow them off for a friend."

"Right. Use the boyfriend card for all I care. You know what? You should've just told me that you like his company more than mine. Or better, you should've just told me that he's the guy your crushing on, instead of me spending all my spare time on those letters. To be honest, I thought you would've understood that." He knew all too well he's be regretting those words as soon as they escaped his mouth. But when his emotions run high and Ronnie is there to take all his rationality away from him, he just couldn't stop pouring his feelings out.

"Where the hell did that come from, Barry?! He was just walking me home, maybe to his house, nothing more, nothing less." Now she's the one raising her voice at him. How it came down to this, she didn't know. All she's certain of is something is going on with Barry and by the looks of it, she's certain it's been bottled up for quite some time.

"You know what, Cait? I'm sorry. It was stupid of me to think we had something going on here. I thought going home together was our thing. But the fact that you can easily replace me with someone else is a clear sign that you don't think the same way." He didn't want to sound this childish, but he couldn't fight the overwhelming feeling of jealousy from talking.

"Barry, it's not like that -"

He held up his hand to his face, tears threatening to fall if she didn't let him continue speaking.

"No, Caitlin. I'm sorry for being so caught up in the idea that we have this.. this thing, this special connection from way before we first knew each other. I guess deep down, I'm still that kid, that kid who was late for his own graduation because he was getting his ass pummeled into the ground by your boyfriend. Only to inevitably strike up a conversation with the most popular girl in school - who I didn't even care was popular, because popularity doesn't define anything - and then wonder every single day over the summer break as to when I'll get to speak to you again because I couldn't let go of how interesting of a person you were. Than I found the confidence to talk to you again and I couldn't help but believe that maybe we were meant to be together. But now I'm just living in a fantasy, huh?"

"Barry.." She found herself at a loss of words. Everything happened way too fast and it was just too much for her to take in.

"It's okay, you don't need to say anything. It's just a stupid crush anyways." He gave her a sad smile and with one final look at her, he picked up his bag and walked away. Maybe it's time for him to let her go and grow up, for real this time.

* * *

It's been weeks since her last conversation with Barry, but the weight of his words still lingered on her mind like it was yesterday. Could it have possibly been that he had developed feelings for her in such a short amount of time? Would it be crazy to assume he really meant what he said in those letters of his? It would, especially now that her secret admirer has stopped delivering those messages the same day Barry decided to stop talking to her altogether. Even if this was his decision to stop talking to her, she still decided to she would give him all the space and time he needed. There was a certainty of tension floating around them whenever they were forced to be in the same room together and it didn't help that they were almost always seatmates. Its a good thing spring break had come and gone, it had really helped her sort out her thoughts and feelings for a while.

After yet another week of debating whether she had given him much time or not, she decided to talk to him and get this over with once and for all. The cold shoulder he'd been giving [not just] her was too hard to bear (and it didn't help that she misses his company too). So when she spotted him alone in his usual spot in the cafeteria (or that before they became friends), she quickly approached him.

"Hey, Barry.." She watched him tense up with her sudden approach.

He didn't respond but instead sank further into his seat, pressing his forehead between his arms.

"No, please don't ignore me, Barry. We really need to talk about this."

"Is this about school stuff or -"

She could tell by the sound of his voice he was beat, for what reason though she wasn't particularly sure.

"It's not about that. You've been giving me the cold shoulder for weeks now and I've been trying to understand by giving you some time so don't you think it'd about time we settle this?"

"There's nothing to settle. We're fine, just fine now Caitlin."

"Fine? You can barely look me in the eye, Barry. Can we please just talk about this?" Her eyes pleaded for his acceptance and she could only see the war going on inside him.

"What do you want me to say, Cait? I thought I had said enough before and you seemed pretty adequate with saying nothing in response." He spat, making her wince as if it inflicted physical pain.

"I know. I know I said nothing in response and I'm here to apologize for that. Its just that it happened so fast and it was just soo much to take in all at once. I've been thinking about it since then and -"

Barry looked up from his arms and made a pathetic attempt at eye contact but he was struggling to hold it as long as he had hoped.

"We're okay, I promise. I haven't been ignoring you or giving you the cold shoulder in particular." He replied with no following smile as she had hoped.

"Just hear me out okay- Wait, Barry what's wrong?" She noticed the line of tears that stained a trail down his face and his bloodshot eyes in comparison to that of their usual cobalt blue colour; He just turned away.

"There's nothing wrong with me." He quipped only to earn a concerned glare from Caitlin.

"You know that's not what I meant, Barry. You look defeated and I want to make sure you're feeling alright." He didn't realize she had closed the space between them, wiping away the tears before they escaped his eyes.

"I don't know if I want to talk about it, okay? Initially I got upset with you but we're better now. Because I came to realize if it wasn't jealousy, how could I not get you out of my head? Why would I never miss a single day without thinking about what we could possibly talk about next? Why, even if I don't know you as well as he knows you, I still hope to see you everyday - You didn't understand how bad I felt when I raised my voice at you and couldn't stop, I wanted to stop soo badly but I didn't even understand myself at that point. And because of it, because of my foolish actions I was late getting home, the one day I decided to take the long way so I could free my mind of the feelings I dared not bottle up, only to get home to.. to cops cars and.. and an ambulance and my dad.. my dad was being taken away and I wasn't even allowed in my own house.. but I ran in and couldn't find my mom.. but than I did and.. and.." Everything he'd been bottling up had come to the surface and all he could do was release it through tears. She never saw him cry before and quite frankly it was never a sight she wanted to see again.

"Shh. Its okay, Barry. I'm right here -"

"I'm sorry I hadn't found the courage to tell you this sooner but.. but my mom was put in the hospital and everything was going fine and now.. now.." she held him in her arms, one hand rubbing circles on his back to soothe the pain.

"I understand why you didn't want to tell me." She said with as much comfort as she could muster.

"It just, it hurts soo much Caitlin." He said drawing his face closer to her neck, inhaling her beautiful, lavender scent.

This wasn't the fate he had hoped for. Between trying to pursue the girl he had his eyes on and watching in slow motion as his mother's heart rate monitor flat-lined, his life was beginning to be just not as normal as he had hoped.

* * *

 **Originally I posted this story with chapters 1 through 9 but I got to rethinking the sentence structure, added detail and background information and it just didn't seem to fit my liking, so I restarted.**

 **For those of you whom read those originally posted chapters, I apologize for not reaching out to you before rewriting this fanfiction.**

 **As a side note, this will indeed be following the same story line and even though it isn't very well described in the summary [because I ran out of space] this fanfiction will entail mentions and/or descriptions of [my take on] self harm and mental illness - so for those of you whom are not comfortable reading about those topics, this is where I'm warning you [in a polite way, of course].**

 **Anyways, I hope you enjoyed reading this chapter as much as I did writing it; Reviews and criticism are always greatly appreciated.**

 **Until next chapter, -SnowbarryFamily**


	2. Chapter 2

It's been five despondent days since Barry and Caitlin had their last conversation. Caitlin, who had secretly been hoping he'd make an appearance, was second guessing if she'd ever see him again (it was anything but normal for him to not attend school). While Barry, struggling to come to terms with his family's severed dynamic, has been resting over at the West's house hold (insisting he was okay, but knowing all too well that wasn't true). Although they had had their fair share of ups and downs, specifically the one where Barry let his anger get the best of him (simply because he believes Caitlin deserves far better than someone who, by his own words, "doesn't care what people think or do, as long as he gets what he wants", to be her boyfriend), but this time was far worse than anything he had ever felt. He'd gladly take a fist to the face over the browbeaten, demoralized feeling lingering in his chest any day.

* * *

He'd been impatiently waiting for his girlfriend by her locker when he caught view of her talking to somebody (someone who's far too close to looking like a _guy_ for his liking). A blinding smile spread across her face as soon as she saw him, only to widen when their eyes made contact. The jealousy he was feeling moments ago was shoved aside as he watched her jog over to him, peppering a couple soft kisses on his cheek (Damn, he was one lucky guy).

"Someone had a good day today, huh?" He said after embracing her in a tight hug, (which wouldn't have been awkward except for the mass amount of books she was still holding).

"I don't know. I mean, my lab partner hasn't shown up for 5 days now but I can handle this project on my own." She leaned in closer to his hug and added, "He's going through a tough time though, I wouldn't blame him." She finished with a concerned expression.

"Really? I didn't know you did lab partners anymore. Hold up, you said it's a _him_?"

She replied with a playful smack on the shoulder, accompanied by a shy laugh and said, "Of course it's a guy. You do realize not many girls take the bio-chemistry class in my study level? So there's no need to be jealous."

As she said that, he tightened his grip on her arm, drawing her in closer before replying, "I'm allowed to get jealous. You know practically every guy can't take their eyes off of you."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." He was about to kiss her when they heard someone clear their throat behind them. She immediately pulled herself away from him and got back to her senses, opening up her locker with a furious blush when she reprimanded, "Ronnie, you remember Joe?"

"Yeah. How could I not? Nice to see you again, neighbour." He extended his hand to shake, now in a friendly manner (as apposed to Barry).

"Good to see you too, Ronald. I didn't know you and Ms. Snow here were still seeing each other." He replied still shaking Ronnie's hand.

"We are. So what is it that you're doing here? It doesn't look to me like anybody needs arresting." He said kind of mocking him.

"Not every day needs to be an emergency, now does it?" Joe asked, turning to Caitlin.

"No, but we were in the middle of something here."

"It's okay, Ronald. You two can continue. I'm sure what I had to say to Caitlin can wait for another time." He said and started to make his way back to the exit. He didn't appreciate Ronnie's attitude when all he wanted to tell Caitlin, was Barry would be stopping by later today to hand in his part of the science homework (and subtly ask her to keep an eye on him because of what's been going on recently).

"Detective West, wait!" She called out after him. He stopped in his tracks and looked at her. "Thank you for coming by, I'll make sure to catch up with you later."

"Come over any time, Caitlin." He smiled at her. "And you, take good care of her, okay Ronald?"

"I will, thanks." Ronnie nodded in reply and watched as Joe went on his way (mainly so he could role his eyes at his good cop, nice guy appearance).

* * *

They made their way to Ronnie's locker then headed towards their 4th period classes. It's not much fun but it's the only class they shared this semester so they kept each other company during the more boring parts of the lesson. On their way, Ronnie told her something that he'd been conjuring up (to win her affection, truthfully) since his last encounter with Barry.

"I totally misjudged him, didn't I?" He said as they found a couple seats at the back.

"Who?" She replied as she started to set up all her books before the second bell rang.

"Barry. I thought he was a total smartass."

"But he wasn't."

"Yeah but I still don't like the fact that he's hanging around with you. It's barely been a year, what makes you two so close anyways?"

"He's kind of cute."

"What?! I'm about to take back what I said about him earlier. Next time I see him I'm gonna -"

"Silly. It was a joke, we both share a love of science and he's genuinely kind to me as apposed to others who just talk to me for popularity points."

"Right." He answered unbelieving, nodding his head in a slow, mocking gesture.

"As much as I want to address your unnecessary behavior, I won't because the class has started. So, care to tell me what your plans are for tonight?" She's smiling at him now, animatedly excited as if she had plans he didn't know about.

"I never really have any plans, you know that." He said, getting a pencil and paper (to copy her notes) as the teacher began instructing. They were quiet most the class, having busied themselves with instructing her own version of the lesson to herself, and Ronnie attempting to understand both methods but to no avail.

"Hold on Caitlin, you're going too fast." Ronnie said, taking her whole notebook from her this time, to copy.

"Can I continue writing now?" She asked glaringly. He had to admit she was a little uptight, a little moody and far from comparison of that of her other female counterparts (all because of the stress from school and her cold hearted mother if you ask her).

"Yep." He replied gingerly.

She focused her eyes and was at a loss of words for what she saw. The classroom was silent with nothing but bored students happy to catch a break in the lesson. At the front was the strict, unhappy looking professor peering over at her. She bit her lip to control the nervous quiver that developed.

"So.. done chatting Ms. Snow?" She hastily asked, hitting her papers against the desk to fashion them neatly in a pile. When she just sat there in silence, the professor said, "I know interrupting the class wasn't your intention but you do realize that you also had all of lunch to talk? So I suggest you quiet down, same for you Mr. Raymond. There's no reason for young Caitlin beside you to be receiving all the blame, being older than the entire class I'd have thought you'd have known that by now." Ronnie grew angry with her statement; He had a problem with authority, yes, but the professor exposing he was held back a year.. he was furious.

"Ronnie." She held her palm over the back of his hand so he would focus on her and stop thinking about whatever was infuriating him. "Don't do it."

"Wha.. why not?"

"It's a bad decision, Ronnie. You'll be suspended. How about you just take a-"

"A walk, I know. I know what you want me to do and I appreciate your efforts but I'm already calm, see? There's nothing to worry about." He said, but a moments notice never passed where she believe a single word.

"Ronnie I know you, and you don't get over things quickly, nor do you suppress.. anything. So just, please? For me? Don't hurt anyone.." She turned in her chair to give him a kiss on the cheek.

"If you insist, Caitlin. Now, I'll be back."

He walked to the front of class and glared at the teacher with a look beyond disgrace. When they were done talking, Ronnie stood up from leaning against the desk and left.

"Make it back before the bell."

"Whatever."

He forcefully pushed the door open and outside the classroom was a hell of a lot more peaceful but it still didn't repress his anger. _Wow, this is amazing Caitlin. Thank you. I wonder what other plausible ideas you'll have for me next._ He gave himself an inward smile as he let his thoughts neglect her.

"Dude, watch out." Some kid reprimanded, knocking into Ronnie as they walked past, shoulder checking him.

"Watch where your walking, kid. Who do you think you are, some entitled white boy? Don't doubt just because this hall has cameras I won't think twice about knocking you out."

"You can threaten me all you want because no matter how tough you act all you're ever going to be is a bully."

"Yeah, so I'd watch your mouth before-"

"Aww did the tough guy loose his train of thought?"

His fist stiffened and he went to throw a punch at the kid in front of him, but he stopped.

"What's this? Don't tell me you're actually thinking you can hit me?" The kid asked him, amused. They must really know what they're up against to instigate an argument with Ronnie.

"A fight isn't complete without contact, now is it?" He raised an eyebrow at him. "Don't worry, I'm not going to hold back on you like the many other times I have. I'm actually going to break you, _Mr. Allen._ " He said with a smirk.

"Oh, are you now? This better be good, Mr. Raymond." He teased him right back though he was practically screaming like a fool on the inside (not that he figured this would most likely hurt less than what he was already experiencing in his own time).

"Trust me, it will be."

His fist began making contact with Barry, from kidney to liver it was a repetitive motion with remarkable force. He ignored how the bells rang and the halls filled with students. Barry had come to school only to drop off his portion of the lab project (because he couldn't just leave it all up to Caitlin) and decided he could probably run away any moment now but with the state he was already in and the thoughts of his mothers death already strumming through his mind, he told himself he deserved it. This had to be better than his thoughts.. Anything had to be better than those thoughts.

He took a knee to the groin.

 _Suffering is a part of life.._

A hook to the kidney.

 _The pain is_ _supposed_ _to_ _feel good.._

Another to the liver.

 _Nothing you do is going to make things better.._

Again to the kidney.

 _You're_ _supposed_ _to_ _feel guilty for her death.._

His back hit the wall.

 _Maybe if you killed yourself you could see_ _your_ _mom again.._

A final blow to the jaw.

 _Nobody cares about you.._

He didn't even fight back.

* * *

It's almost the end of their freshman year and Caitlin was waiting for Ronnie to change his clothes after his last football practice of the year. She insisted on coming to watch him play even though she had no interest in the sport and exams were the very next day. Ronnie made his way to her and hugged her, picking her up and pulling her into his arms.

"Ronnie, put me down!" She said in between smiling an glaring. As soon as her feet touched the ground she expected a sweet kiss on the lips, but it was replaced by, "Thanks for coming to support me, Babe. It means a lot to know I have my own personal cheerleader."

"That's the role I had to take when I became your- I am not your personal cheerleader, Ronnie!" She glared at him, using air quotes to emphasize herself.

"Yeah, but you are, and the prettiest one at that."

"Okay, enough with your failed attempt at sweet talk. Come on, we need to get home and study."

"Wait, can't your exams wait?"

"No silly, they're tomorrow at noon."

"Well, if you say so. I wouldn't want to argue with a girl as genius as you."

"I hope you'd remember that in the years to come" There's a hint of conviction in her smile. The way he smiled made her think of him, wanting to have the same future as they planned out many times before, but something in her head was beginning to doubt. Did she really just second guess their future?

Soon, they arrived in a more wealthy looking neighbourhood, or for that matter, Caitlin's house. Knowing him, this is the last place Caitlin would have thought Ronnie would want to spend the next couple hours but if she had any luck with keeping that scholarship under her name then she had to do perfect on her tests.  
It still surprised her how he always found it an odd behaviour to get right down and into her homework (for the feelings they shared, something just didn't click together when it came down to understanding one another).

"Woah Caitlin, I didn't know you were into this kind of stuff." He said as he followed her inside her house.

"I'm not. That's all my mom's work. I just thought this room was decently quite enough for us to focus." She said, settling down at the table she had chosen.

"Yeah, I guess it is. But tell me we aren't going to spend all our time studying are we? I don't want you to over study and fail.. y'know?"

"And here I thought I was the uptight one."

"You still are, definitely."

"Yeah? Watch this." She said trying to challenge him. He didn't even know what she meant by that until he felt her soft lips pressing against his, followed by the swift notion of dropping her bag and wrapping her arms around his neck.

"Caitlin, what are you doing? I thought the only thing on your mind was exams." He looked at her in disbelief.

"They can wait. Look, you just won the last football game of the season, so that calls for a celebration.. and that's what we're gonna do." She had this playful smile on her face that he knew all too well (it's the same one she has whenever she was trying to explain the latest scientific advancements to him in the hallways). "I'm not complaining, if you aren't?" Now it's her turn to give him the best puppy dog eyes and he knew he wasn't strong enough to deny those, let alone her.

"I'm not complaining at all." He was shaking his head but a smile was secretly creeping up on his face.

Just a few kisses in and Ronnie was way beyond turned on unlike he had even been so he decided to pick Caitlin up and take her to her bedroom, not until he heard her rather familiar voice reminding him, "Stay, here; Mom's up there, and I doubt she'd wanna catch us right now." When he didn't continue moving, she started kissing him again. "Caitlin, I wanna-" As soon as the words slipped his tongue he knew there was no way to explain what he wanted with words, but to just go through with it.

"I don't think that's a good idea."

"It's okay, I'll take it easy Caitlin." He said placing his hand on her waist to draw her closer.

"No, Ronnie, I'm not ready-"

"It's okay, I promise to go slow, I don't want to rush into this either." He said moving his hands to unbutton her shirt.

"No. Ronnie, I don't want to-"

"We don't have to rush anything." He said trailing kisses from her lips, to her neck, and down to her collar bone.

"You don't have my consent." She took a step back creating distance between them.

"But I- Come on, it'll be fun and it's legal too, were both sixteen."

"I'm fourteen."

 _Fourteen._ That created distance.

The silence that resonated throughout the room wasn't as peaceful as Caitlin had hoped it to be. Between worrying about what he was going to say and keeping a close eye on the time, she hadn't had a second to breathe. So when he finally decided to speak up, she let out a sigh of relief.

"Okay Caitlin, let's say you didn't just tell me that, when were you planning on telling me the truth?" Ronnie said as he almost looked tempted to grab his bag and leave. They were on shaky ground when Caitlin decided to speak again.

"Ronnie." She said then tried reaching for his hand.

"What?"

"Don't.." She spoke again.

"Don't, what? I'm not the one who lied Caitlin." He didn't know an upset Caitlin could seem so _annoying._ But he enjoyed seeing her like this. Its not everyday that the reasonable and uptight Caitlin Snow would end up looking this miserably upset.

"But whatever. You know what I've just realized?" He had a problematic smile on his face like he had just found his new victim to bully.

"What?" She swallowed hard.

"This song and dance we've been doing? That's totally over now."

"What? No.."

"Remember those famous last words- _I_ _would_ _never lie to you~"_ Her expression was so utterly downcast he couldn't help but laugh at her. "Well I guess, once a liar, always a liar."

"What about us?" She asked after getting ahold of herself.

"You're so pathetic for being such a smart girl, Caitlin. So what about us? I really thought we _had_ something between us." Although he knew how much damage his words could inflict, he couldn't help but feel ecstatic while doing it.

"Yeah? And what about now?" It was only on rare occasions like this that Caitlin would really show her emotions without him having to decipher her with a fine tooth comb so he decided it wouldn't hurt him to hurt her just that much more. He was about to answer when her mother knocked, clearly having heard Ronnie raise his voice.

"Get out!" Caitlin exclaimed.

"Keep your voice down, Caitlin. Don't wanna disturb your neighbour's now." He was already at the door and she had realized what he wanted all along. "Don't you dare ever try to associate with me again got it, Ronald?"

"Don't plan on it." Her mom opened the door for him and guided him through the living room, making sure he left at her daughters command.

"And don't be so full of yourself got it? This was all your fau-"

"You don't think it was inappropriate for you to take advantage of my daughter at this ungodly hour in the state she's already in, do you Mr. Raymond?" An intimidating voice that came from a woman now holding the door open captured Ronnie's attention. "Get out of our house. And see it fit that you'll never step another foot here again." She gestured for him to take the final steps outside the door and before he could protest, she was already closing the door on him.

"Mom, I didn't know he-"

"Of course you didn't know. You see, there are a lot of things you're not aware of sweetheart. Let me start off with how much of a nuisance he was to my daughter especially to the bright future ahead of her." Caitlin smiled upon hearing those words. As much as her mother made it hard to believe love was truly an emotion she felt, she still had her own special ways in showing she cared.

"I hope you know your the only daughter I have, the sole heir to everything I have worked so hard for. And I am not comfortable with the idea that some day I'll have to entrust all of that to a guy like him. But your a smart girl, aren't you? So I choose to believe you'll make better decisions than him in the future."

"With all due respect Mom, I can assure you I will make way better choices. He might have been the most amazing guy I've ever met and someone I'd give up studying just to hang out with, but I know now I let my brain get too mixed up with my heart and made the wrong decision. I know I don't have much experience in dating but I can assure you if I ever get in a relationship again you won't have to worry about loosing your _hard work_ to a jerk like that."

"I can say, I'm amazed by your determination Ms. Snow. But for now how about we just go get a cup of tea and watch a movie. I know you're a smart girl so I'll just ask you once. Do me a favour and stay my young girl for as long as you can. We both know I don't do well with change."

"I'm sorry Mom I can't do that. You of all people know well enough that I'm right in the midst of hitting puberty. Change is kind of inevitable, if you didn't clue in already." And with that, She hugged her. It wasn't like they shared typical mother - daughter conversations to say the least but they still had their own special bonds.  
"You know you're almost too smart for your age, Ms. Snow?"

"Yeah, but you love me, so you have to deal with it Dr. Tanahauser."

"That I can agree with."

And true to her words, she really did love her.  
Maybe her mother wasn't as cold as the world perceived.

* * *

The next day at school had been challenging for her, and Barry for that matter as he still hasn't heard from Caitlin since he had that _conversation_ with her boyfrie.. with Ronnie. They were supposed to see each other in the halls, the cafeteria, the science lab.. but now even he didn't know if he'll see her again. He kept on passing by her locker in hopes to see her but he always went home defeated. If he had a phone he would've called a thousand times, but he didn't. If it wasn't for the one restraint he had keeping him in place, he would've lost his mind by now. He was starting to think that maybe if he had kept his mouth shut about his feelings and just accepted she _was_ with Ronnie, things would be much better than this. At least, then he'd have his mom to fall back on at the end of the day.

One night, he heard a loud knock on his door, shaking him out of his thoughts.

"Just a minute!" He hurried to the door, fumbling to put on a sweatshirt in the process. Why would anybody be visiting him this late at night, he thought. He opened the door and stood blankly by what he saw. There he was, pill bottle in his hand, skin looking a little more tired than usual but it still formed that common expression he remembered.

"Barry.." He looked at him, holding a glass of water firmly in his other hand.

"Joe. I don't need to take those. Why do you insist? Just go back to bed and let me slee-"

"You haven't been sleeping. You know that. These will help you stop thinking about her. I'm not asking you too much, just this. I'm not a doctor but with the simple science I do know, antidepressants do help those who are depressed so if you don't want to take them for my sake then take them.. for.. Iris's sake." He was crying hard now and Joe just held him tightly, running his hands up and down his back.

"Shh.. Barry, it's alright. I've got you. I know you don't like them so we'll figure something out. But now you should try and get some rest, okay?"

"Yeah, okay."

* * *

It'd been 3 weeks since Barry hadn't gotten a proper night's sleep. He knew it wasn't going to be easy to just get right back in the swing of things and he would have to work harder than before to catch up in school and rebuild the relationships that really mattered but he couldn't deny the sadness still building up inside him knowing his parents will never be by his side from now on. It's a good thing that it's still sweater weather and he still had the option to hide what he was doing to himself from the outside world, but it was only a matter of time until his actions and caught up to his present and the _problem_ came to light.

"Dinner's ready!" Joe called from the kitchen where he had just put the plates on the table.

"I'll be there in a minute."

"Bar, come on. You should eat it while it's hot."

"Fine. If you insist." They already had a routine in the time he's been living there. Joe would cook the meals and Barry and Iris would clean up afterwards. Seeing that something's not quite right with Barry, he decided to ask what's been bothering him.

"You okay, Bar?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Its just that, my guidance counsellor talked to me today."

"What did he say?" He said with a worried expression on his face.

"That he wants to see me again tomorrow. He said it was something important."

"So what are you planning to do?"

"I don't know. I'm still thinking about it. He probably wants to talk about.. wants me to talk about.."

"You should try it. It's only been a couple months, but maybe it'd be a good choice to open up about it. Who knows what they'll want. But whatever it is, you know you've got Iris and I to fall back on."

"You remind me. But if he wants to talk about.. I think I'm going to pass."

"Are you sure? Bar, it's your mom were talking about here."

"Exactly, Joe. That's why I don't want to talk about it." His eyes were pleading him but he wouldn't back down so easily, the thought of his mothers murder beginning to eating him up again.

"What if it's for your own good? What if bringing the problem to light will make it easier to get over? I can't see you so sad, Barry. Not for much longer."

"So this was all just a big set up. What if I don't want to get over her, huh? It's not like you came home to your Dad being put into handcuffs and your mom lying in a pool of her own blood, with a knife stuck in her chest. So just trust me on this one, please?" He could see the resolve in his eyes and he knew he had won the argument.

"Fine. But promise me one thing?"

"What?"

"At least take your meds?"

"Fine." He dropped his bag to the floor and took a pill from the bottle on the table as a show of compromise.

It's almost midnight and he still hasn't found a comfortable enough position to sleep. He's been tossing and turning and pacing back and forth in his room contemplating whether he should go and get _it_ over with but he made a promise to himself on his mothers behalf and he intended on keeping it. A few minutes later he heard the familiar sound of his door opening and he quickly threw himself under the covers to avoid suspicion.

"Iris! What are you doing in my room at this time a night?" He said motioning her out as if she would just leave at the motion of his hand. "Sleep walking? Bad dream? Are you okay?"

"Barry." She said holding back the tears that were threatening to spill.

"Iris, come on. Just tell me what happened." His eyes were searching hers, irretrievably looking for answers.

"Barry I'm worried." And all the tears she was trying so hard to stop were falling like a waterfall free-flowing from her eyes.

"What? Why are you crying? What are you worried about?" There's a lot of emotions coursing through him right now (and he had to admit they weren't all for Iris, but he wasn't going to be selfish) So instead he directed his attention towards her.

"About you. I'm worried about you Barry. My dad, he wanted me to stay out of your business and if I agreed he assured me you'd be okay. But I told him no, I told him that I don't need his assurance when my best friend I've known since forever is hurting and I.. I.." Barry motioned her in his room, trying to give her the comfort she needed. "I can't see you so sad, Barry. But I don't want you suppressing your feelings either, too. I don't think I can take it."

"It's okay, Iris. I'm right here. I'm not crying, see? I need you to believe I'm okay. Please, Iris?" He looked at her in the eyes, those eyes that he grew up looking into every time they had play dates as children. When she nodded at him, he let out a sigh of relief and gave her a brief hug for comfort.

"I love you Barry. I love you like the brother I've always secretly wanted. I hope you don't forget that."

"I won't. Now why don't you go to bed? Tomorrow is a school day and I don't want my.. best-sister-friend to be exhausted."

The next morning, Barry woke up in a cold sweat. Panic started to well up inside him until he felt a pair of warm hands pressing him back down on the bed to stabilize him.

 _My father didn't killer my mom._

 _Why won't you just believe me?_

 _He would never do such a thing._

 _It wasn't him.. it wasn't him.. he didn't kill her.._

 _He didn't kill her.._

No, no, no, no, this isn't happening again, he thought to himself. Has Barry lost his mind? Joe would kill him if he found out he was dreaming about his mother's murder again. Joe tried calming him but every time he tried Barry would just begin panicking again. He tried talking to him but it worked to no avail. He got up quickly and looked for his meds, thinking as to where Barry would've put them. He also contacted Carla hoping she may be able to talk him through how to help Barry out in this situation (because she was a doctor, on top of the convenience of being their neighbour) but it seemed Barry didn't intend on letting anyone help him with this.

After minutes of Joe desperately searching through his drawers for his meds and Carla coming over in person to help him deal with the issue, she deduced it was just a severe panic attack and he should try and get some rest and not go to school today because he looked beyond exhausted, until her phone rang and she had to go. It was her daughter calling from the other end.

"Hello? Caitlin is something the matter?" Worry was very much evident in her voice.

"No, but I didn't see you this morning and I was just curious as to where you were because usually if you go somewhere you're notorious for leaving a note, especially when you promised to drive me to school today. Is something the matter for you?" She was unable to speak for who knows how long. She was just standing there, worried about where her mother was because it was anything but normal for her to pull a stunt like that. She eventually returned to her senses and realized where her mother had said she was, the worry leaving her body in a stream of relief.

When she took a step outside to catch a ride to school, she saw Joe sitting on his porch with... Barry? looking just about as worried and tired as her mom looked leaving the two of them alone.

"Mom, what happened? And why is... Barry there?"

"Everything is okay now. But Caitlin, I need to talk to you first?" As much as she wanted to run over and pull Barry into an insanely tight hug, she couldn't deny the plead in her mother's eyes.

"Sure. What is it?"

"Caitlin, I know how much he likes you. Even now, when he was experiencing his worst panic attack, he couldn't stop bringing you up. How lately he would pass by your locker every single day hoping to see the brunette with eyes that shined when she smiled. Just the mere sound of your name calmed him down in a way I didn't even know was scientifically possible. But when I said your name you should've seen the way he instantly stopped kicking and fighting his way away from his own sadness, telling me how you're the only one he's ever confided in about his mother's passing. And I knew in that moment, you're way more a vital part in his life that you may want but I guess what I'm just trying to say is.. you were the only thing that's made him smile in the past 3 months from what Joe has told me and I know I'm not one to believe in the superstition that feelings rank a higher value than logic, but with everything he's been going through lately, and the alarming amounts of bruises he has fading on his skin I guess maybe I'm just asking if you could try and be more there for him. You don't have to love him, like him, reciprocate the way he feels for you but maybe if anything you could possibly watch out for him? I've never asked a favour of you like this before but for the sake of his health, I really think -" As she came to a close with her words, tears were streaming down Caitlin's face together with all the emotions she held with it.

"Yeah.. of course. I didn't know it had gotten to be that bad I haven't even seen him lately and-"

"I know Caitlin and I'm not blaming you for this. I just have a favour to ask you. If you truly care about him, keep and eye on him. It's asking alot I know but I don't think I can ever stand to see another teenage boy look so absolutely broken like that again.. and judging by your reaction nor could you."

"I understand. Can I go see him now?" She was conflicted in many ways but she made sure of what's really important and that's him. She made her way to his porch, swallowing every selfish thought she had ever assumed or let people assume about him and just focused on him and how much he really needed somebody to talk right now.

He was sitting there, battered and bruised with red eyes and puffy cheeks from crying. He had a miserable look in his eyes and she just wished she could've been there for him before it really got to being this bad. She reached out a hand to hold his, not minding the tears still quietly descending from her face.

"Hey, why the tears? I already I hate seeing you like this you know."

"Barry.. You don't have to go through this alone. You know you have me and you always will."

"Yeah. Its just Ronnie always made it so adamant for me to stay away from you.. See my face? I just thought you wanted nothing to do with me anymore." She would've laughed at the lack of confidence he had for believing she never wanted to see him again if it weren't for this situation (because that was anything but true).

"But I could never, Barry. Not like this. You deserve so much mo-"

"But I don't. Don't say that, Cait. Plus everything will be alright."

"How can you even say that?"

"Because you're here with me and I'm not going any place either. Hell, I couldn't even go any where if I wanted to." Barry let out a humorless chuckle. A look of longing stretching across his face.

"What do you mean- no, no, no, no. This isn't happening. Please tell me Ronnie didn't hurt you. Please tell me he didn't do anything to impair your ability to walk. Barry your scholarship-"

"Cait, stop. You're mom put me on house arrest because I haven't been sleeping since.. since it happened. Ronnie just left me with these bruises, a couple days of blurry vision and my lack of handing in my.. Our science project on time. I can walk, I can run, just like I have been my whole life. Heck, that's all I really wanna do right now; Keep my focus on the blurry sides because reality is just too much for me to handle, focus on the sidelines because it just seems like the easier option. Because I could care less about what's waiting for me at the finish line and quite frankly I don't want to look up and find out, even if I did have the energy to keep going because as it sits right now.. as _I_ sit right now I wouldn't care if I ever tried doing anything ever again."

"Barry.." It's getting harder and harder for her to listen to him when he's talking like this, talking like he's giving up on himself, his life.

"I know you probably didn't want to hear me say that but it's been weighing down on me for a while. I need to know that you'll be here for me when I need you tomorrow or in days to come."

"Barry you mean so much to me, you know that? You mean so much to everyone in your life and I assure you that I will forever be there for you when you need me. You are so true and genuine, don't you ever forget that okay? Because if you do I'll poison you myself just so Joe will have to call my mother so she will have to be your doctor and I'll get to take care of you." She reached up and touched his cheek, careful not to touch the gash or any of the bruises that Ronnie inflicted. "Come on, you should get some rest."

"I care about you too, Cait. Just remember nothing in me is lost as long as I have you. So you'll be here when I need you, right?" He's caressing her hand with his free hand, not wanting to let go but his medication was slowly overtaking his senses.

She didn't answer. Instead, she just hugged him again.

This time a little tighter than the last.

* * *

"Bartholomew Henry Allen? I need you to sit up and look straight ahead.."

Everything fades into silence as he looked up at her. The light was blinding but nothing in comparison to that of his headache, the pounding in the back of his head that reminded him he was still conscious. It was a fist fight after all, always is, nothing he can avoid or fight his way away from as long as jocks like him existed. Funny, how the kid who could spit out math equations far ahead of his regarded IQ, never found the smarts to back down on situations he knew would only lead to blood and bruises.

He told himself he wouldn't get involved with Ronnie because he shouldn't. It was his decision after all so he should listen to himself and suck it up. But how could he when everything he said pushed his buttons and went against all the moral codes he was taught to follow and respect all his life? Then he reminded himself why he got himself in this situation in the first place. He sat up and stared into the bright white light the school nurse shone in his eyes and awaited his dismissal.

As the light was removed from his line of vision, he hoped it was all just a bad dream Joe was going to wake him up from. But when he felt the nurse dabbing his face, wiping a few stray drops of blood, and Caitlin, a few tears, he knew there's no way of going back from here.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to cry."

"It's okay Barry, I won't judge. It looks painful and I just really wish this hadn't happened to you."

"I didn't have much choice, Caitlin. It's better this way."

"I wish there were a better way for you to have stood up for me."

"I wasn't going to let him hurt you. You don't know how many times I'd switch places with you as long as it means your okay."

"You're right. But trust me when I said you looked better bruised and battered, I was just kidding. I like you for who you are and I just really wish he hadn't hurt you. Please don't pull a stunt like that ever again." Where she got the confidence to talk to him like a high school principal was still a mystery to her. But all she cared about right now was him and for him to tell her he'll never try and fight Ronnie again, for both his and her sake.

"Just so you know, I didn't give up on my own free will."

"But you didn't have to fight him either." Her words went straight to him and being as much as he wanted to argue with her on the topic right now, he couldn't. He knew she was right. He didn't have to risk his own safety for her even if he was willing to give up just about everything for her. He was just getting over the primary feelings of his mothers death for goodness' sake and that was only one of the many things she could sense he was dealing with. She really wondered how much more he could take, but then she remembered, ' _N_ _othing in me is ever lost as long as_ _I_ _have you'._

It just kept repeating inside her mind and she couldn't take it anymore.

"Barry, I don't think I can do this."

"I don't know what you mean? Caitlin did I mess something up between us?"

"What? No Barry, I meant that in a different context."

He began pushing her away out of frustration. He had to admit he was struggling to deal with his emotions so when his nature began pushing her away she immediately caught on and corrected herself.

"Hey, I know how frustrating it is to understand somebody when you've got a lot going on in that smart brain of yours, so just take a deep breath and we'll try that again." Her voice was soothing, a relaxed and calm nature from what it may have been a moment ago.

She tried again.

When the nurse left the room she reached for his hands to unstuff from his pockets. At first he was kind of confused when she placed them on her cheeks then lifted onto her tip toes to match his height but what really caught him off guard was the allowance she gave him when he leaned forward and pressed his lips into hers.

No, she didn't turn her cheek, they didn't lean forehead against forehead, it wasn't for comfort and it wasn't for confidence. But this.. this was something else.. something even she, the smartest girl he knew, didn't have an explanation for. And it seemed to be just _this_ that struck with the reason she began no longer seeing the future between her and Ronnie..

"I'm sorry that was way out of line, I just couldn't help it. I should've been able to but I got caught up in everything that was running through my mind and I forgot to ask. Caitlin, I promise you next time I'll ask." He began stumbling over his words and in that moment she realized _this_ wasn't something she ever wanted to abandon. _He_ wasn't someone she ever wanted to abandon.

"Its totally okay"

* * *

When he was still young, he dreamt of what it'd be like to grow up. He had quite the impressive list of what he wanted to be, hid mother always told him, but looking back on it today a carcinogenic teenager definitely wasn't one of them.

By the time he was dismissed, he guessed he must've taken a nap because Caitlin had left him a note that she'd been picked up almost 30 minutes ago, but even so, the taste of her lips still resonated on his.

As soon as he reached the outside of the school grounds, rain started pouring hard like the heavens were sympathizing with him. He positioned his hood to cover him fully and ran like a madman to the only place he wanted to be right now. There was something in his brain that was nit picking at the idea something wasn't entirely okay within him right now. He dialed her number just so he could hear the only voice he knew could ground him in situations like this. He didn't even expect her to answer because he had just received a cell the other day incase of an emergency, but even the sound of her voicemail would have sufficed. Surprise is an understatement when she picked up on the fourth ring.

"Hello?"

"Caitlin, It's me Barry. I just woke up in the nurses office and I want to apologize for misunderstanding you like that. It was childish of me that I would turn a cold shoulder on somebody who's helped me out more than I could've ever ask and I didn't mean to I swear. I understand now that when you first thought I shouldn't have fought for you, I should've listened but I guess I was afraid of what could've happened to you in the interim."

"Barry? It's all okay. Where are you right now? Because its pouring rain out and I can gladly come get you."

"It's okay I'm actually dry, I found shelter. But come to the school for me will you? I know I shouldn't be asking you this but Caitlin I'm in a really bad place. This might be a lot for you to process all at once but if you're going to know everything about me than I have to tell you what I even refuse to believe about myself."

"Bar, I'm here for you. You can tell me anything." She stayed relatively calm on the phone but in the mean time she had run downstairs from her room and basically thrown the car keys at her mother signalling they had to get going somewhere. "Keep talking to me Bar, whatever you need to say I'm listening"

"I'm beginning to panic. I should've never let myself get involved in the real world's again. It's becoming more and more stressful the longer I try and show I'm okay to the world when I'm really not."

"Is there an adult with you right now? Barry I'm on my way, is that okay?" Her mother had to admit she was staying relatively calm for however nerve wracking the one side of the conversation sounded.

"I'm alone, and I lied. I'm still at school and I'm beginning to think I should've listened to myself when I had the chance before and maybe still I'd have the strength to keep going, because as it sits right now I can feel it getting harder and harder to overcome this urge, this need I have inside of me when all I wanna do is be with her. All I ever wanna do is be with my mom again."

"Barry you're starting to scare me. I forgive you, okay? Just stay where you are and we'll continue to about this. Just breathe. We're almost there, you're going to be okay soon."

"I really wish that was true. Because by the time you get here It's already going to be too late."

"No, its not going to be too late, tell me what's going on Bar. I can walk you through it."

"You're the only one I trust and I'm sorry if it's such a burden to deal with my problems but you don't know how happy- Agh!"

"It's not a burden, believe me... Bar? Hey, what happened?"

"Nothing.. I just.. that blade was sharper than I anticipated it to be."

"Bar? Barry? Barry!? NO! Come on, don't do this! Please Barry! BARRY!"

The sound of her pleads were the only thing that kept him sane. He didn't know up until now how deep a hole he had really dug himself into until the only reason he was still holding on after all this time was because he loved this woman more than he could possibly love himself. A depreciating thought but its funny to know how just the right amount of kindness and the perfect amount of stranger can add up to be quite the mixture you needed to hold on and keep trying. He had dropped the blade to the floor but the damage had already been done. Blood beaded to the surface of his skin and it didn't stop at that. The razor nicked all his heeling scars which just added to the flush of colour and pain to the surface of his arm.

"I'm sorry, Caitlin"

* * *

 **Authors' Note: As read in the description of this** **Fanfiction** **, the content of some chapters** **would** **include self-harm mentions and/ or depictions, blood,** **or** **sexual mentions and/ or descriptions; That is also implied in an M-Rating Novel, so please avoid the spread of hate and** **I** **hope you enjoyed reading this chapter!**

 **Oh! And cliffhangers?!**  
 **Don't** **you** **just love them?**

Also, to answer your question AReiss215, Yes, I did rewrite this whole Fanfiction and I did try and get ahold of you (because you were the only one leaving your opinion) through PM, but when it worked to no avail I just decided to go on through with my choice to rewrite. It will be following the same story line as the previous chapters you've read but this time with a lot more in depth view of things. I hope you're not upset and continue to enjoy this Fanfiction. PS. Thanks for the continuous support.

 **Until next chapter, -SnowbarryFamily**


	3. Chapter 3

_"Barry, it's me Caitlin. I don't know if you can hear me but if you can, I want you to know that I care about you. I hope you don't get tired of hearing that because I know I won't get tired of saying it. But you've got to help me here, okay? Just think of the happy times we shared together since the night we got to know each other at grad. I'd be walking out of class and you'd be walking through the halls only to stop and talk with me about the latest advancements in the 'future of science'. And how about the time I asked you about your future career and you told me you'd hoped to get into the wonderful world of theatre or policing, only for me to tease you about being a CSI by day and a lounge singer by night. I remember how great you said my voice sounded after coaxing me into serenading you, even if I am tone deaf and I could just see it on your face that you were trying to suppress your laugh. But I guess that moment was worth it because Barry, I got to see you smile. And this wasn't just the ordinary smile you showed to the world so they perceived you as anything less than happy, either, but I could swear that the corners of your mouth had reached the tips of your ears. And I know now isn't the right time for us but when it comes I know we'll find each other. Because you'll always have a part of me with you and when the right time comes we'll be ready, like you know we always are. So just hold on for me, okay? I promise I'll never give up on you, on us."_

 _Tears were_ _streaming_ _down her face and she knew she_ _couldn't_ _do anything to_ _stop_ _it. This is_ _just_ _too_ _much_ _._ _What_ _did Barry do to deserve this cruel twist_ _of_ _fate_ _?_ _She held his hand tighter, silently_ _praying_ _that_ _it would wake him up. This was all her fault, she_ _thought_ _. If_ _only_ _she was a_ _better_ _version of herself, someone who could_ _give_ _him the life he deserved. Someone who_ _could've_ _prevented the guy she_ _secretly_ _harboured_ _feelings for, from being incapacitated on a hospital bed just because he wanted_ _to_ _see his mother_ _again_ _. But deep down she_ _knew_ _he_ _wouldn't_ _care about_ _that_ _. He loves her_ _just_ _the way she is, accepted her for who she really was. He_ _would_ _always tell her_ _he'd_ _be able to pick her out of a crowd_ _o_ f _a_ _hundred_ _people because she looked so stunningly beautiful, whether she'd covered her face in makeup_ _that_ _day or not. But_ _nothing_ _seemed to play out the way they wanted. People and circumstances_ _would_ _always get in their way. But it wouldn't be wise to blame something she_ _probably_ _could've_ _controlled, as something out of control, now_ _would_ _it? So instead, she_ _just_ _took it all on herself. She promised to be_ _the_ _best version of herself there is_ _for_ _when he wakes up,_ _nothing_ _will ever_ _come_ _between_ _them_ _again_ _._ _Its_ _going_ _t_ _o_ _be_ _just_ _her and him, Caitlin and Barry,_ _that's_ _how_ _it's_ _supposed_ _to be._

 _Or_ _so she believed._

* * *

"Henry! Henry!"

 _"Mom!"_

"No Barry! It's not safe!"

 _"Mom! Mom!"_

"Nora! Nora hold on! ...Run Barry, Run-"

He abruptly woke up, breathing heavily. It's the same dream again, the one keeping him awake in the middle of the night for the past half a year. He probably wouldn't be able to go back to sleep if it wasn't for the thought of _her_ being right there with him in his mind. Caitlin's sort of developed the ability to sense if he's awake or not because in just a matter of seconds of him waking up from that dream, she would be brought out of her sleep, only to realize she couldn't be with him physically - like the last 6 months of their lives have proved - but she had other ways to get a hold of him.

"Same dream?" She texted as she held her phone tightly in her hands. When he left a short response, she continued to provide comfort.

"It's okay, I'm here. We can talk about it then get back to sleep if that's alright with you?"

"Yeah, it sounds alright. I just don't know why I keep having this dream, every night now it's been the same thing and it won't stop replaying in my mind, I swear it's like song stuck on repeat.."

"Barry it'll be alright. You miss her, let's try and get some rest, okay?"

"Yeah. Hey Cait? One more thing before you go back to bed.."

"What is it, Bar?"

"I'm sorry for keeping you up."

"It's not a problem, Barry. Sweet dreams."

She laid back down on her bed, hoping the same would be done of him. He placed his head on the pillow and pulled the blankets to his waist. She went to bed with ease while he was left to his own devices, thinking about the dream that once again occupied the streamline of thoughts in his head. It's been 11 months since he came home to the scene of his mothers death and after living through the nightmare of his fathers' imprisonment, everything had come full circle (or so everyone tried to coax him into believing) and it all went back to normal from then on. But in truth, he's been made to believe he's crazy, all for thinking his father didn't actually kill his mother. He'd been put on anti-depressants to aid in mourning over his mothers death, has had to start taking anti-psychotics to maintain his sudden outbursts of emotion when all he wants is for someone to understand him. To top it all off, Joe's been keeping him from attending school because of the _stunt_ he pulled that certain while ago (but not the hospitalization, he doesn't know about that), all the while making him see a counsellor at the end of each week (where he'd be forced to dig up suppressed memories); Which honestly wasn't helping for how much _progress_ he was said to be making. Life _has_ been good, he thinks. And he shouldn't let _anything_ (and by anything he means his broken home life) make him believe otherwise. With everything going his way, he's supposed to be happy. And he is, if only he could shake the nagging feeling in his chest that that wasn't a complete and utterly false statement.

The next morning he decided to tell Joe, like the many other times before, that the counselling really wasn't helping, how he wishes he didn't feel trapped in his own home like a caged animal, and that he needed to stop being treated like a high school science experiment if anybody ever wished to see any real progress come to light.

"Joe?" Barry asked, slumping down in front of the breakfast he had prepared for both his daughter and _adoptive_ son.

"Yes?"

"There's something I want to tell you."

"Yeah. And what would that be?"

"You remember me telling you about the counselling?"

"Barry-"

"Well, I kind of _still_ hate it and it's not like it's helping me anyways; They make me feel like some sort of experiment gone wrong and I don't want to keep going."

"The counsellor, again, Barry? I thought we discussed this the other day.. It's for your own benefit that you're attending; And you're going to keep attending." He replied sternly, taking a sip of his coffee.

"Yeah but that's what you think, you see? Everybody thinks that seeing a shrink is for my own good but it really isn't and it's _never_ going to be. They've been re-establishing the same thing over and over again with me, every Friday of every week for the past 6 months and it's doing nothing but stir the nightmares that keep me up at stupid hours of the night. If I wanted to have the constant reminder that _my mother is dead_ and I have to _get over it_ I could just talk to you. Isn't that right?" He couldn't contain the frustration he could feel bubbling up underneath his skin.

"That's _different_ Barry _._ And do you really have to fight it? Because maybe if you pulled your head from the clouds and accepted it was indeed your father who _stabbed your mother to death,_ you'd come to terms with it a lot faster."

 _'who stabbed your mother to death'_

Up until now, Barry seized to know that detail.

"Barry, you weren't supposed to know that. I'm so-"

"You know I was there that night, right? So maybe you should stop blaming him when you know right well my Dad didn't kill my Mother!"

"Barry you need to calm-"

"What? Oh, oh right, because if I don't then you're just going to force me to take more pills. Do you even remember what I asked you the night that this all happened?"

"You asked me a lot of things back then, Barry."

"And one of those questions was what was going to happen to me, now that I don't have a family. And you told me-"

"I told you that everything was going to be okay, that you weren't alone and you'll always have Iris and I when you need us."

"Exactly. But that doesn't seem to be the case now, does it? You didn't even think twice when you took the opportunity to fill me up on emotional pain killers and send me to counselling, did you? It's like you didn't even consider me and how I truly feel. It's like you think you can just tell me that this is what I'm supposed to doing, feeling and I'll believe you." He let out a heavy breath and he knew the argument was over but winning it? That was far from occurring.

"There's nothing I can say that'll make you think otherwise, huh?"

"I'm afraid there's not. So does this mean you're finally agreeing with me?"

Joe shook his head and Barry got up and went straight back to his room.

"Wait Barry. You didn't even touch your breakfa-"

"I know. It's just I'm really not in the mood to eat anymore. Thank you very much."

"Well, I'll put it in the fridge for later then. You try and cool off, maybe get some better rest, Bar. I should be on my way now, I have a meeting at the precinct at 9. Don't want to be late."

Joe kissed Iris on the forehead and went on his way. After waiting for Joe to leave, Barry went to the living room and switched on the TV. He still couldn't believe after all this time, the one person he needed the most to believe him, was still hell bent on forcing the idea that Henry Allen, loving husband and caring father, was responsible for the death of his beloved wife, Nora Allen.

 _He_ _just_ _didn't_ _get it._

 _ **"**_ _ **We're**_ _ **broadcasting live from Iron Heights Prison to witness the trial and**_ _ **transfer**_ _**of the once world renowned Dr. Henry**_ _**Allen**_ _ **, who has been**_ _ **allegedly**_ _ **accused**_ _ **of murdering his beloved wife, and mother, Nora Allen.**_ _ **It's**_ _ **been**_ _ **close**_ **_to a year and if it wasn't for the remarkable work done by Detective Joe West-"_**

He switched the television off just as quick as he turned it on. What, was the TV trying coax him into believing a false truth now, too? He couldn't believe it. Not just the fake news, but how Joe, the man who took him in, was also responsible for his Dad's imprisonment. So he grabbed the remote and turned it back on anyways.

 ** _"-Stay tuned for more as we cover the live press conference_** ** _happening_** ** _just a few moments_** ** _from_** **_now_** ** _."_**

He stared at the television thinking that maybe this is just what he needs, fulfilling the lie everyone around him believed in too. And maybe, just maybe, he'll begin to realize just how messed up a life he was truly leading.

* * *

"Dr. Allen, you had a promising career back in Central City working on the latest advancements in medical history, why suddenly go home and kill Nora Allen?" One of the reporters questioned him during the press conference.

"I'd made a promise to keep her from harms way and I intended on keeping that. Going back home that day was an effort to save her. My son can attest to that."

"Does _'keep her from harms way'_ include stabbing her multiple times? Because knowing your line of work, surely having studied human anatomy, managing this kind of thing couldn't have been all that difficult for you, had it been? This surely isn't one of the things we'd assumed you'd have done in the future."

"I didn't see this coming either but when I got her phone call and heard about what happened, I took my duties as her husband, as an opportunity to come home immediately. It was my job to keep her safe and when I failed, I knew I couldn't just stand there and do nothing especially when I had the means to prevent that from happening."

"That was insightful of you Dr. Allen but if you would allow it, this thing that 'happened', what would that have been?"

Tears were shed down the rough skin of his cheek and he just hopes that the conference will somehow come to a close before he had to relive that memory.

"It uh, it happened so fast. It was a couple of millennials and they were robbing us? They had nothing but everything at the same time and that's when.. that's when- She's everything to me and I wouldn't be who I am now if it wasn't for her. I didn't kill her. I loved her."

The press boomed with a lot of questions after what he said. So before it became out of control, the correctional officers pulled him aside and stopped the questioning all together.

"I would like to thank you for allowing us to speak with you today, Dr. Allen. Especially because of the conflicting views and beliefs on this case matter. So without further adieu, is there anything else you'd like to tell us?"

"If your watching this, son. I'm so sorry I can't be there with you, but just remember I love you and your mother would be so proud of you."

With that, he was escorted out of the public eye and lead over to a new prison cell with guards following closely behind him. After Henry was made to leave the conference because he was still a detained criminal, Barry was left staring at the commercials. Henry is one of the few, if not only, family members he has left who was always there for him when he needed him the most, so when he heard his heartfelt words he fought the urge to begin crying all over again. He's just a bit too optimistic for the whole consideration that his wife was dead, his son was broken, and he was in prison, but Barry could roll with it (He was his dad after all, so anything and everything already held a dire impact to his mind and body).

"Woah Barry. Your dad was so awesome back there." Iris said resting a hand on his shoulder.

"Awesome? I know that tone. Come on, spill it."

"Okay he had me believing him for a while but then he just had to turn into a hopeless romantic guy wanting to prove his love for his dead wife. Like, really dude?"

"His 'dead wife' is my Mom, Iris. And I bet you haven't fallen in love the way he did because if you do then you'll know where he's coming from."

"And kill my husband when everything seems to be settling down? No thanks. Why do you care by the way? I haven't seen you visit him in all the time he's been there."

"Actually, I have. But Joe doesn't want me to."

"What? So you've been sneaking out of the house when Dad is gone and you haven't felt the need to tell me?! Are you out of your mind?"

"You know I ask myself that same question every day." He rolled his eyes. "But maybe if your father was killed, then you'd start to see where I'm coming from. Even if it meant losing your mind in the process."

"Whatever, Barry. But did it ever occur to you that maybe, in the past eleven months, you should've moved on? Or I don't know, maybe even gotten over it? Seriously, what's wrong with you?"

"Say what you want but I'm not giving up on him, okay? And I have a strong feeling he hasn't either. So could you do me a favour and leave me alone? You should be at school anyways."

"Fine. But when this whole thing doesn't work out, well that's your loss. I don't want to say this but I've never seen someone as crazy as you. And for a good reason, that is."

"Thanks, Iris."

"Well that could change if you accepted it. Are you going to accept it? Come on Barry I need an answer before I catch the bus-"

"Just get out already!"

As soon as he got rid of Iris, he couldn't help but think about what she said. He wouldn't deny the fact he'd been filled with those what-ifs since the day it all happened. But at that time, he knew it wasn't the right thing to dwell in them either. If he had listened and caved in, he probably would've never given thought to putting his family back together again (or at least try with what he has). Hell, he hasn't even been allowed to go visit his Dad in Iron Heights without Joe taking him right back home. So he knew he had to do the ultimate sacrifice and give in to Joe's whims for a while. But how long could he last? What if Iris is right? What if all along he's been living a lie he created to help himself cope and understand better? He couldn't let himself think that that was at all a possibility, right? Because all he's done would be for nothing then. But that's okay, he thought. Because it wasn't about him in the first place. He didn't matter. He has long forgotten about his own happiness since the time this occurred. So maybe he was just better off forgetting about it all and moving on.

He had to agree he'd gotten his fair share of hardship and misfortune, so maybe it'd be best to just leave it in the past like everybody was telling him to. Happiness, for him, wasn't something he could truly feel as long as this was going on, so maybe it was about time he found something new to be crazy about.

 _Someone_ new to be crazy about.

He'd never forget his dad, but heck, the odd time he actually _did_ feel his heart swell with happiness and his lungs with good fortune, he rejected it and kept mourning. It was there. And it existed. So why couldn't he just accept it like everyone wanted? Why wouldn't he embrace the energy he felt surpass whenever he saw her bubbly smile or heard her angelic laugh? Was it for the better? It had never lasted as long as he wanted it to.. She was always an arms length out of reach. But he could change that, couldn't he? Drop one thing, and pick up the other? After everything he's been dealing with, what could he possibly do to make matters worse?

 _Well,_ then he slipped..

He found himself in the bathroom with fresh scarlet droplets beading from his skin. _Dammit_ , he thought. He could get away with it, yes, but the fact he didn't know he was doing it, was what scared him. And he _kept_ doing it. Because it seemed to be the only thing capable of getting his mind off of everything at this very moment.

* * *

This is the day Barry had been eagerly waiting for. He sees to it he has everything he needs before going to the main office. His bag, his phone, his keys, his wit and confidence, he's even free of potentially sharp objects encase his mind gets sidetracked and ends up slipping like he had 2 days before. So with one last breath and a firm grip on door handle, he decided he was ready to do this. But then he remembered one vital thing that he didn't do. Of all the things he'd used his mouth to say in order to set foot in this school, he'd never once bothered to tell Caitlin he'd be back. He doesn't even have a clue what classes she's in, well except for the fact she'll be in the most prestigious ones (albeit the ones with older kids) if he remembers just how smart she'd proven herself to be. But he'll just have to see for himself, right? Besides, there was no way he was going to ditch class after all the effort he put into coming back. So with a, "Okay Barry, let's do this." to himself, he grabbed his course outline sheet from the office and headed to class.

On the other hand, Caitlin wasn't in a better state either. She swore she could've thought this through way better than what she's doing right now but just the mere thought of being able to see him again was enough to send her head into overdrive. But what if he wouldn't show up? That could really only mean one thing, Joe lied to her and she wasn't actually going to see him again. Or, he didn't actually survive the trip to the hospital which would be a crazy thought because he had been texting her just a few days ago. Wait a minute, she had received his texts meaning he might be coming to school and he maybe wants to talk to her. But, he hasn't made his intentions known that he'll be coming back. Okay, all this talking to herself is literally driving her crazy.

 _"Man, I should've texted Caitlin to let her know I was coming before I got here. Now look how cluelessly anxious I am. And here I thought my day was apt to be flawless. There's still time, I just need to make a quick text-"_

His thoughts were cut off when he heard the classroom P.A. system announce, _"Mr. Allen"_ and _"he's here."_ But that was a good thing, a good sign, right? It means he still wants to be here, or he just went here to say that he needs schooling to keep his scholarship.. She really needed to stop having conversations inside her head. After moments of drawn out impatience, the teacher replied with an, "Okay, let him in."

Barry has been pacing outside the classroom for a couple minutes now, torturing his unhealed skin in the process. He was shaken out of his thoughts when he heard the teacher say, "Mr. Allen, your welcome to come in."

He went inside the classroom and as soon as their eyes made contact, he felt as if his heart would beat out of his chest. He isn't supposed to be feeling this way. He's mourning for goodness' sake and hasn't his heart been through the wringer enough times these past months (That is if he could remember it all clearly). But this girl had an effect on him even he couldn't understand. And little did he know that he has the same effect on her too. Because for the second time, Caitlin Snow couldn't find the ability to speak again (the first time was because of him too) and was left staring at him until he asked,

"Caitlin, is everything alright?" His voice is just as she remembered it, the only one that could make her smile widen past her ears.

"Huh? Yeah. It's just that it's really nice to see you again, Barry." Something tells her this isn't _her_ _Barry,_ like he was almost an entirely different person. But that's impossible, isn't it? It's only been 6 months. She's about to set aside that thought when she heard him say,

"Yeah, it's really nice to see you too.. I'm sorry but, I can't do this."

* * *

 **AN: Thank you for all the reviews! They mean a lot and inspire me to keep writing!**

 **Apologies for the short chapter, but it's not about the word count, now is it? I hope you're enjoying this, and feel free to leave a review!**

 **As always,**  
 **Until Next Chapter, -SnowbarryFamily**


	4. Chapter 4

_"Iris please, I know he's awake. You've got to let me see him." Caitlin pleaded outside of Barry's room, her eyes searching the curtains for just a mere glimpse of him._

 _"Caitlin, what are you_ _doing_ _here?!_ _You're_ _supposed to be_ _in_ _school by now. Have you forgotten_ _about_ _our_ _deal? I already let_ _you_ _see him_ _that_ _one_ _time._ _It's_ _time_ _you stick to your side of the bargain._ _"_

 _"I know_ _I_ _agreed to that but please,_ _I_ _just_ _need_ _to properly tell_ _him_ _goodbye. I promise_ _I'll_ _never bother him again after_ _that_ _."_

 _"You know_ _I_ _can't_ _let_ _you do that._ _And_ _please_ _don't_ _make_ _a scene_ _here, we're at a hospital for goodness' sake!"_

 _"_ _I'm_ _not gonna leave until you let me talk to him." As desperation took over her body, she_ _frantically_ _pushed_ _herself past Iris and knocked on the glass window while shouting_ _his name. "Barry,_ _it's_ _Cait! I_ _know_ _you can hear me. Please just let me in. I need to talk to you."_

 _The door swung open, revealing a very furious Dt._ _West_ _who's_ _death glare was directed solely at Caitlin._

 _"Please, Dt. West_ _I_ _beg of you. Just let me see him-"_ She was silenced by his towering body standing right infront of hers. Caitlin stumbled backwards as if Barry's adoptive father was continuing an assault (which he wasn't).

 _"And you really had the audacity to show up here, let alone ask to see my son after everything that's happened? Barry is like this because of you! Your foolish decisions took everything from him and now he won't be the same as he was before!"_

 _"Dt. West, I don't understand. What do you mean by-"_

 _"You don't have to know that, alright. But this time, I'll make sure you won't get to be apart of his life anymore. I'll cut you out like he'd have never known you'd even existed."_

 _"Joe please, I beg of you, I need to know if he's going to be okay."_

 _"I'll say this one last time, leave him alone or I swear you won't even get to see a strand of my son's hair." He went back inside the room, shutting the door on Caitlin's face._

 _"Caitlin you need to go or I'll have to get someone to escort you out myself."_

 _"Iris please, you know how much he means to me. You've got to help me."_

 _"Look Caitlin, the last time Joe let Barry go just to be with you, lead to this. Until now and maybe for the rest of my life I will still blame myself for what happened to him. But now you expect me to help you see him again? Hasn't it occurred to you that maybe this whole thing happened to let you know that you two were not meant to be together? I've let my dad down once and I'm not doing it again. So please just go to school."_

 _Caitlin knew that at that moment, there's no way they were going to let her see him. So with a heavy heart and the growing passion of keeping the promise she made, she decided it was time to leave._

 _"I understand. But_ _I_ _just need to know one thing before_ _I_ _go. Tell me_ _he's_ _going to be okay and you_ _won't_ _be hearing from me anymore (Iris and Joe, maybe; Although she_ couldn' _t_ _say the same thing about_ _Barry_ _)."_

 _"_ _He's_ okay. _The doctors said it was a mild concussion, some bruises and a black eye but he can't keep_ getting in fights with kids _double_ _his size. Especially with Ronnie, over your drama."_

 _"_ _That's_ _all_ _I_ _needed to know."_

* * *

"Yeah, it's really nice to see you too.. I'm sorry but, I can't do this."

She just stared at him with utter concern. Is this some kind of joke? She would've understood if he wanted to lash out on her (or maybe even accept a lecture or two from him about never being there to see him) but this? What did he mean when he said he 'couldn't do this'? As if reading her thoughts, he mumbled,

"I'm sorry but I underestimated all of this. I thought after all this time, coming here would help but I was wrong. It's still too early, I'm not ready to move on like everybody wants."

For months, the words of Barry's adoptive father have been a puzzle for Caitlin but now that she heard him say this, it all started to make sense. Well, that explains why he never even went outside or his text messages always came across with an empty expression during those months. At first she thought it was just his adoptive father keeping them from seeing each other but she knew him better than that. He is stubborn and the moment he learnt that Iris and Joe were making her stay away, he would do everything to make things right again (either fight the idea until he wins or take matters into his own hands to get things done.). It was clear everything was too much for him to take all at once so she decided that she just needs to let this all sink in before she adds anything else to his plate. So instead, she just redirected her focus on what really matters now, Barry Allen.

"Wait, no. You don't need to apologize. You don't have to do that and you certainly don't have to get over it; At all. Here, why don't you come take a seat beside me?" Deciding that maybe this isn't the right time to complicate his life with the gesture of shared emotions, she proceeded to guide him into class.

"No Caitlin I can't do this, if you don't mind I need to leave. I came here because I really wanted to see you again but I can't keep using you as my rock. I'm using you, Caitlin. That's not fair to you and It's not right of me to use your kindness to my advantage. At first I thought I was just doing myself a favour because Iris and Joe kept telling me I needed to move on and stop reveling in the past and after watching my father on the news I thought I could do it. I really believed I could. But now that I'm going through with my plan I can't and I can't keep dragging you into this; I need to go."

"If it counts your determination through it all has impressed me, Bar, or should I start calling you Mr. Allen?" He definitely caught her at a loss of words, but the way his nickname came out of her mouth almost made his head spin. It felt just _natural._ Like all the times she'd said it before, but this wasn't the time for that, right?

"Why would you call me _Mr. Allen_ , Cait?"

"Professionalism? I don't know but if it makes you want to stay just a little bit longer, than so be it, Mr. Allen. If there's anything I can do to make your stay a little better just let me know." She had to admit she wasn't the best with comfort or emotions for that matter, but knowing the fact he's going through something beyond her understanding, affected her. That's just how good-natured she was.

"It's okay, Caitlin. My _..friend_ doesn't need to act like my maid just because I'm going through something."

"Of course I do!" She didn't mean it to come out like that but she could tell he still wasn't comfortable with the whole _being at school_ ordeal and only wanted to offer kind assistance.

Maybe offering at least one clear day within the storm, could spark that inevitable hope he's always had in this heart. However small it may be.

Though she quickly reprimanded herself for the action of grabbing his hand to make him stay, she couldn't deny he felt it too. He'd attempted to leave class as quickly as he came but something kept him there, and it wasn't solely Caitlin's cold hands that warmed underneath his touch.

"- ...what was he like?"

"I must've zoned out, would you mind repeating what you said? If it's not too much to ask."

"Your dad, what was he like?" She knew she wasn't supposed to ask that in the publicity of a classroom but what the hell. She just needs know if there's a way she can break the ice over all this chaos.

"He's kind, and supportive. He was always very patient with me after I'd come home with new bruises everyday. He would joke around and call me _slugger,_ which my mom would hate because she didn't like me getting into fights, but he would only do it to tease her." He's starting to think that maybe he overstepped himself by telling her too much about his family all at once, but her friendly smile said it all.

"Do you, uhm, do you love him?" That was so over the line even for her own ears.

"I uhm.." He's supposed to say he hates him, right? The man in question is a convicted murderer for goodness' sake. But _you know he_ _didn't_ _do what he was accused of,_ the inner part of his being whispering like a bird wanting to get out of a cage. Why was he even questioning it in the first place?

"Of course I love him." Was all he managed to reply. At least that part of him is true.

 _That's all I needed to hear,_ she said to herself. Although she'd chosen a touchy subject, she still managed to earn his small smile.

"That would be all, Barry. You know with your unquestionable sense of hope and impressive educational background, I can say you're more than qualified to do things by yourself; Knowing how brilliant you are, I don't think you'll be needing my assistance in the first place, are you sure you needed me to be _your_ _maid_ to begin with?"

"Wait.. what? You've got to be kidding me- ow! What was that for? Are really you teasing me about what I said earlier?" He questioned, running his hand over his arm where she'd left a nimble pinch. "You know Caitlin, when somebody references 'hurt and comfort' you aren't supposed to take it so literally-" Before he could finish his sentence, she was already rubbing circles across the spot she'd hurt (this situation was anything but typical, but the smile plastered across his face said otherwise). As soon as their hands made contact, he felt a spark coursing through his veins. If she felt it too, (which she did) he wouldn't know because the bell had already rung and the teacher was motioning that the class was over.

As soon as she left her seat, he called for her.

"Hey Caitlin, thanks for making me stay."

"No problem, that's what friends are for."

"Were still friends?"

"Yeah, Bar. I made you a promise, remember?"

"Yeah, I remember, I guess I.. Can I talk to you out in the hall for a second? I feel like my head's gonna burst any second now."

"Okay, sure, yeah. You okay? You know you can talk to me, right?"

"I know, I'm sorry if I'm being evasive, I've just got a lot on my mind and I need to clear some things up."

"Okay-"

Before she could agree any further he'd walked out of class and they'd met each other at Caitlin's locker, in an empty hallway. He knew this would take her by surprise but his mind was set and nothing was going to get between him and his decisions now.

"You don't mind if I get personal, do you? I know it's only been a year and I made things complicated before when I kissed you- than I got taken out of school and didn't even leave my house for 6 months- and we text all the time on top of that- but I'm here now and-"

"Of course, Barry. You can tell me anything." She laughed light-heartedly.

"Okay, so about earlier.. I'd panicked. It was stupid, I know, but I feel like with everything that's happened between the time we've gotten to know each other and now, something's changed? Maybe it's just my paranoia but I never meant to complicate your life or drag you into my drama, or depend on you like you could solve all my problems.. and I guess what I'm trying to ask is.. Can we try this again?"

Her smile hadn't worn off, but the look of confusion wore right through her expression.

"Right, your confused, what I mean to say is I'd like to try this friendship thing again? It's an odd request but-"

"Of course, Barry. Of course I'll be your friend.. Again."

"Really?" His eyes shot open with that spark of hope she swore she could never get enough of (which she couldn't) and her arms were already welcoming him into a warm embrace.

"Come here, you adorable goof."

* * *

Barry went home that day to see Iris waiting for him in the living room.

"So how was your first day back at school?" She asked, settling herself down on the nearest chair.

"It's good. I actually had a great day."

"Well, you seem happy about it."

"I am. I got to see a lot of familiar faces again, especially one I've been dying to see for a long time now and going off of what happened today I get the feeling our relationship is off to a healthy road to recovery."

"Yeah? Who would that be by the way? I haven't gotten to knowing any of your friends lately." She asked as she pulled out her phone to check whatever she was checking.

"She's Caitlin, Caitlin Snow." As soon as he uttered those words, Iris's face went visibly pale. It was a good thing that his attention wasn't directed towards her. When she failed to answer, he looked at her and asked,

"Iris, you okay? You went a little quiet and you seem a little pale."

"No, I'm fine. Don't worry about me. I'm just gonna go get some rest, it's been a busy day at school."

"What about dinner? Don't we have to-"

"You can do it by yourself, Dad will understand."

This is the first time he's ever seen Iris like this. Well, he's seen her sad and nervous before, every time she'd come into his room at night to ask if he was feeling alright after the initial accident occurred. But now, she seemed off like she was holding back information from him she shouldn't be. Was it because he mentioned Caitlin? But what about her? These past 6 months, he's noticed that his adoptive father and Iris didn't talk much about the reason he'd been pulled out of school. They would always tell him to just focus on the future and forget about the past. But how could he do that when it was now clear as day they wished for him to move on from something much more questionable than the turn of events that tore his family in pieces? He needs to find the answer and he intended on doing just that.

* * *

With everything happening the way it is, Caitlin knew she needed to give him his time and she didn't mind being friends if that's what he wanted to be for the next while. And she could do that if only she didn't feel like a liar for not telling him why things had been happening the way they'd been (even if she didn't know the whole truth). She needs to think this through and clear her head and she knew just the right place to do that.

She found herself entering her mother's work. With a breath of confidence she pushed past the onset of nerves and approached the lady at the front desk.

"Can I help you?" The woman quipped before Caitlin could even utter a sound.

"I'm here to see Dr. Tanahauser."

"Do you have an appointment?"

"No, but I'm pretty sure she'll see me. You can just tell her Caitlin Snow is here."

"Dr. Tanahauser's a very busy woman, I'm sure you can understand-"

"I appreciate the diligence, Jackie. But Caitlin's always welcome here. Even if I'd wish she'd call first." Carla joined the conversation (although only practical) and was met by Caitlin's very dull reaction, "It's nice to see you too, Mom."

The woman at the reception desk failed to hesitate when handing her a pass. It only deemed fit she was suddenly so nervous when talking to the one and only child of the brilliant Dr. Carla Tanahauser; It must've been the last name that threw her thoughts off course, even if she knew 'Caitlin Snow' rang a bell in her memories.

"Caitlin? Did something happen at school you needed to talk about?"

"Yeah about that, I actually came here to talk to you."

"What about?"

"I know I should be talking to somebody else about this kind of stuff but nobody else knows about it more than you do, even if we still don't know everything and-"

"Just spill it Caity."

"Yeah, just spill it Caity." Charlie decided to join the conversation (although uninvited) and was met by Caitlin's surprised expression.

"Hey, don't look at me like that! For the record, I am not stupid. But blame it on the hormones, I guess.. I'm only Charlie Snow, you know? The son and youngest brother that nobody talks about. Friendly reminder, I live in the same house as you.."

"I can't believe you right now." Caitlin said, shaking her head. "Hormones, that's the best you can come up with? Why are you even here?"

"Come on, just tell us. Mom doesn't have all day, Caitlin." Charlie said, taking a seat next to Caitlin with his hands supporting his head, eagerly waiting for what Caitlin has to say.

"Okay fine." She let out a heavy sigh before continuing. _Siblings,_ she thought. _What was it with him and wanting to know all about her personal life, anyways?_ "So Barry came back from his _hiatus_ today, and I think something's up. Apparently, he's being treated like nothing ever happened and he needs to move on. But that's not even the worst part. The accident he had with Ronnie six months ago in which Joe also threatened me to stay away from him, caused him to actually believe in all this nonsense. Now I understand what Dt. West meant when he said that he won't be the same anymore because apparently, even though they do realize he hasn't lost his memory or anything, they're trying to make him believe none of this happened. Everything is too much so when he asked if we could be friends.. again. Of course I said yes, just something feels off and I don't even know where to start. What if something happens and I could've prevented it? For sure he's already going to hate me for not telling him about why I had to stay away, but hey I didn't have much of a choice. What am I supposed to say? Hey Barry, remember six months ago? I'm the girl who got you into all this added drama and I haven't been able to see you because your adoptive father threatened me to stay away from you if I knew what was best for you and-"

"Okay, okay Caitlin just pause right there. You're sounding worse than me when you two cease to remember I exist. Just take a breath and let's let this all sink in for a while, okay?"

"Charlie, honey, could you leave us alone for a while? I think Caitlin and I need to talk about this alone." He shrugged his shoulders in compliance; He knew all too well meddling in his sister's business would end by receiving her death glare, but he still couldn't help but ask,

"Deal. But that means you need to fill me in on the details later. And by details I mean all of it. Including whether or not Caity has a crush on this mystery man." With that, he left the room, leaving Carla and Caitlin to have their talk.

'Come on, just say it. I know your itching to say you aren't really bothered by all this."

"I could, but I don't believe that'd help you right now. Remember back before this all happened when I'd almost made you late for school because I had to talk to you about Barry?"

"You noted that if I really cared about the people in my life than I should look out for them."

"Right. But that wasn't the only thing. The first time I met him, he had nothing else to lose. Nothing to lose but his heart. And believe me when I say I'm still not the biggest fiend of love over logic, but that's the opposite of what I saw in him. For me, love between teenagers is just a game not to be taken seriously, but he's made it into an instrument of hope. And if that's what kept him going through all this madness, even if your not feeling the same way-"

"Why does he have to be so adorable?"

"Because he thinks with his heart, and not his head."

Before she could bury her hands in her face to let out an exasperated sigh amongst the many others, her mother quickly added,

"Tell me, what could've happened if you two never met that night?"

"He probably wouldn't have had anybody there for him when his mom passed away and he might have killed himself if I hadn't of been there to stop him."

"And if he did kill himself, would that have been the life you wanted him to short-live?"

"No, of course not! That's why I agreed with Joe to leave him that dreadful time, hoping one day I can maybe give him the life he deserves. And now that I can, I can't because of whatever it is that's going on."

"Maybe you should accept that fact and move on. Everything happens for a reason, Caitlin."

"I don't think I can do that, Mom. I don't think I can stop caring about him."

"I'm not asking you to stop caring for him. I'm just asking you to care for him in a different way, one a friend could provide."

"I like him as just a friend-"

"Oh sweetie, we all know that's not true."

"Fine." She reprimanded. "But what if something happens and he finds out I'd lied to him? What would I do then? It's not like I want to keep this from him, I just don't want to complicate his life anymore than I have to."

"I don't have all the answers to the world's questions, Caitlin. But if the time comes, I think you should leave that decision up to him."

"I guess you're correct. Thank you, Mom. This conversation really helped me out a lot."

"Anytime. Now, how about we conjure up a plan that'll teach your brother a lesson for being so nosey and intrusive.. what do you think?"

"Yeah, maybe we should."

"I must say, I'm so proud of you Caitlin. You might not let a lot of people into your life, but when you do you never cease to show how important they are to you."

After spending the next few hours pesting her brother under her mother's supervision, she decided it was time to head home. She knew deep inside she would never be able to face Barry without feeling guilty for keeping secrets especially when he looked so broken, but she thought it was better that way.. for now at least. Her mom is right. Maybe everything was happening for a reason and the future had something in store for him, and who knows? Maybe things will start to work out and begin to make up for all this madness. But until then, she would just have to keep an eye on him, falling for him, although from a distance.

* * *

With just two weeks of being back to a school, Barry felt like he'd found a sense of calm in himself he'd never had before. Being secluded could be lonely at times so he very much cherished the time he got to spend with others. Plus, there was Caitlin who always knew how to keep his smile on his face and an undeniable warmth in his heart from time to time.

"Okay, Barry. You've got to look at this. This picture is soo cute you're going to wish I'd never found it." She laughed so hard as she scrolled through the pictures on his laptop, clearly oblivious to the way he would steal a glance at her every time she'd look away. With a playful look he said,

"Hey, what's so funny? You didn't find my- Oh my gosh Caitlin! Stop looking at my baby pictures!"

"What! Why should I? Little Barry is so cute with his cubby little cheeks and cobalt blue eyes and oh! Look! There you are again, that's quite the haircut you've got, Bar."

"Hey! That's no fair. I rocked that hairstyle back then." If he didn't know better, he'd think she was about to show the whole school how adorable young Bartholomew Henry Allen looked at his kindergarten graduation.

"I'll take your word for it. You see, I'm not one to judge a person by their mushroom cut hairstyle they supposedly rocked back in pre-school; I mean, don't tempt me or I might-"

"You wouldn't dare."

"Try me, Bartholomew. You know if I brushed your hair this way- oh, and cut a few edges here- then did this.. Voila! We could recreate this photo in a matter of seconds." Her heartfelt laughter filled the library, enough so the librarian had to come over and tell them to quiet down. "And then you could show me how you'd rock your new haircut just like you had before and-" She'd barely finished her sentence before Barry had closed the distance between them.

His lips were slightly parted as their faces drew nearer to each others. Her posture stiffened when she could feel the scent of his breath on her skin, but only when he took the laptop from her hands and sat back down did she let out a gasp for air.

"Hey Caitlin, shouldn't you be doing your schoolwork by now? Lunch break was over like 15 minutes ago." Barry said as he smiled over the laptop, watching her face blush a pale pink in colour.

"Barry.." She whined. "Why do you have to be such a stick in the mud?" She sulked back into her seat, pouting at him but it worked to no avail. "Okay, fine. If you insist I think I can manage to get back to work. Geez, managing this project all on my own is going to be stressful you know-" Her face lit up when he came over to lend her a hand.

"We're quite the pair, Ms. Snow. Maybe we should work together more often. Or not because I don't think I could survive if you ended up seeing all my baby pictures. It's stressful keeping my personal life a secret, makes me think how hard it'd be if I were a superhero in another universe or something- Oh! Speaking of which-"

"Speaking of.. Superheroes? Barry? And you said I need to get back to work.." She teased.

"What? No. I meant to say I was speaking about school. There's a field trip coming up and if your in that class, you're allowed to invite others and-"

"Right, a fieldtrip.. You're aware I'm in all of your classes, right? So I'd know if there was a fieldtrip or not-"

"Okay, fair. So it's not a fieldtrip, but it is for my bio-chemistry scholarship and I do have the option to invite whomever."

"So your asking me? If I wanted to join you on your little trip?"

"Umm.. yes?" Barry answered nonchalantly. Surprisingly that was easier to say than he anticipated.

"Well I'm flattered, Barry." As he noticed her nose scrunch up, she reprimanded, "I mean, _Mr. Allen._ "

* * *

After reviewing Barry's offer, Caitlin hadn't anything against it and nor did her mom except for one thing.

"So Barry, my mom said it would be a wonderful idea to join you. This would actually benefit both yours and my future career but she's just wondering about supervision?"

"What? Oh- Oh gosh.. I probably sounded like a creep! Caitlin, of course there's going to be a teacher there. It's not just going to be you and I alone in the woods without anyone to watch us. That'd be kind of- I mean.."

"I get it, Barry, I was just pulling your leg. You know it's adorable to see you so caught up over your words when your embarrassed."

"So does that mean it's a yes? You can come?"

"Of course it does. You'd be crazy to think I'd ever pass on an opportunity like this."

* * *

 **AN: Angst to fluff all in one chapter? It's crazy, I know! But hey, I couldn't resist. Anyways, I'm so happy to see my story getting a lot of favourites and reviews! It seriously means the world to me and even knowing one of you lovely people enjoy reading my work, keeps me inspired to keep writing. So, thanks!**

 **Recently I've come across this astounding writer/ composer who able to speak volumes with his work, and I'd highly recommend listening to ["Crush" by Shane Koyczan - on YouTube] because it's safe to say this played a significant part on the results of this chapter.**

 **Apart from all this, and the inconsistency of updating each chapter, I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it! Remember to leave a review, and.. is it just me, or are Caitlin and Barry just to blind to see they're flirting with each other? And how did you like that introduction of 'Charlie Snow'? I mean.. I think it's very clear to say he's _"_** _ **The son and youngest brother that nobody talks about."**_

 **As always,**  
 **Until Next Chapter, -SnowbarryFamily**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Italics represent Barry's thoughts**

* * *

The fieldtrip up north is nothing but amusement filled for both Barry and Caitlin. Well, mostly on Caitlin's behalf because it's not everyday she got to escape the confines of her textbooks, let alone spend at least the next couple of days out in the wilderness with her bestfriend, whom she still harbours feelings for (despite having basically friend-zoned him) even though the choice to keep things on the down low wasn't of her own doing. But she needs to set that thought aside real quick because this trip was also going be their first step in rebuilding a stronger friendship and she wasn't about to let a silly mistake ruin this opportunity; Both her and Barry needed this time to straighten things out between them. So as the vehicle came to red light, she thought that school (of all things) would be a great conversation starter.

"So um, Bar. How's being back at school so far?" She said while admiring the contrast of city life merging with the forestry in the distance.

He's scratching at the back of his neck, feeling an unresolved nervousness bubbling in his stomach before he answers, _It's actually been a little too surreal at times. More than what I expected to bounce back into, sometimes I still find myself getting anxious over the littlest of things, and I wish I could tell you about everything but-_ "It's good, I guess." _It's a good thing you're always there to snap me back into reality, I really wish nothing had ever happened because now I'm more nervous than ever because I feel like something's changed between us even if it hasn't-_ "Even though you do seem to take things quite literally at times." _But I don't mind because you're adorable when you try and tease me._ And for the first time she'd brought about this topic he could feel the dread in the pit of his stomach begin to resolve, there were so many things he wanted to- no, needed to say, but the relief that shot down his spine when a smile danced across her lips, left him with a nostalgic feeling he couldn't help but smile back at.

"On the contrary, you goof. You just don't like being teased by an academic superior. Right? Quite the _interesting_ person she is.. as I've heard."

"As _you've heard_ , huh? Well you can say that again. I've never met a girl as competitive about her everyday life as she is about her schooling." He huffed.

The uncomfortable silence that had filled air hovering above them for the past half hour was slowly dissipating. Barry still found it amusing how she could pick a conversation out of thin air with ease, just like she'd been able to many months ago; Not that he expected that to change any.

"You talk like you know her better than I do. I'm feeling jealous." She joked to lift his spirit even more.

"Oh yeah? I never knew the _Caitlin Snow_ was capable of feeling jealous." His statement almost earned him a death glare if it weren't for the silliness of the conversation they were already in.

"Really? And what else am I not capable of doing? Please do tell, _Mr. Allen._ "

"Oh, of course. If I may start, you cannot take a compliment." She laughed at the sincereness in his statement.

"And what makes you say such a thing?" She scrunched her nose up at him. Now it was his turn to laugh.

"Well to start off, you get this cute little crease on your forehead when you receive the compliment, then you bite your lower lip when you don't know how to respond, and finally you reject it when you have no clue what to say-"

"I do not! I don't believe you! You're just making that up because.. because.."

"You can't take a compliment?" He cut her off and she couldn't help but bite her lip in the process.

And suddenly he felt self-conscious; Too aware of his surroundings. He was well aware of her tells and unearthed worries, but never did he take his own into account when meeting hers, even when he knew how they'd make him feel. His airways were narrowing as the dread in his stomach resurfaced. His breath hitched in the back of his throat as he thought, _How could I be so stupid?_ Only to let his panic get the best of him and, _Oh god.. I messed everything up and now she's never going to want to talk to me again. I should've kept my mouth shut when I had the choice, I should've never-_

"Barry?"

Their day had started off on such a high note, and then his insecurities had to creep in again, had to ruin a perfectly nice conversation. Maybe even a perfect day.

An unwanted thought drifts to the front of his mind but he's quick to not let it get to him, he had the intentions of keeping his worries low, his amusement high, and with a day spent with Caitlin how could he let anything go wrong?

"Earth to Barry? You zoned out on me, are you feeling okay? You know you can talk to me."

"What? Yeah. I'm okay, Sorry- Did I say something wrong?"

"No, of course not." Caitlin straightens her posture, having slouched before because she'd noticed something off in Barry that he wasn't telling her, not like he had to, at all, but they were friends, so.. shouldn't he? "It's just that nobody has ever told me that so directly before." A sad smile rested on her lips. "My dad used to tease me about something similar but I'd always been too narrow minded to allow him to tell me directly. It's one of the things I loved about him." But her pout shifted into a mesmerizing smirk and eye roll as she remembered the good old days.

Something about that look made his stomach flip-flop and his skin prickle. For all his insecurity's sake he just couldn't shake the way his mind ached to be something- someone much more import to this girl seated beside him. And with his next question he didn't mean to pry, but,

"Past tense?"

"He, uh, he passed away when I was younger."

"Oh.. I'm so sorry, Cait."

"Don't be, it's okay. I have so many good memories to hold onto. He would've loved to meet you."

"I would've loved to meet him– even if I can assure you I'd probably make a fool of myself." She gave him a soft smile.

"Well, enough about me-" He more or less spoke to himself, "How have you been holding up? I mean, after all this drama between boys.. school.. _me_. I just can't imagine how stressful things are for you."

"It's been stressful, yeah-" _because of all the secrets I've had to keep from you and having seen you in one of your lowest states_ "but things are starting to look up."

"You really aren't good at keeping secrets, are you?"

"I'm incapable of that.. I'm sorry, but I shouldn't- I can't mention it, not right now."

"No, It's alright. I get it. I don't have many friends, at all really, that I can openly talk to about things. So I wasn't meaning to press-" he swallowed his words. Discomfort burning the back of his throat like bile. "I hope that's okay with you?"

"It's okay. That's what friends do, right? I mean, we are friends.." She stated cautiously, knuckles turning white as she grips her fingers between her other hand, beginning to second guess the words she's using to speak with Barry.

"Of course, why wouldn't we be?" He asked awkwardly. As if things weren't already going in a different direction than he anticipated. As if the two of them had really thought that keeping secrets from each other would be the better option for their relationship.

"What's that supposed to mean?" She accidentally spoke aloud. _Great. What else could go wrong?_

"Nothing. I just thought that... _Nothing_." He really needs to stop talking now. If things said in context weren't bad enough now, he just kept adding fuel to the fire. And eventually, this whole charade they were playing was going to go up in flames.

"Oh look! Here we are." Barry exclaimed, breaking the ice starting to form beneath their feet. "I'm just going to find a place to park the car, then I'll help you two settle your stuff and be on my way." Their teacher spoke. Right, they weren't the only ones in the vehicle, and it was a good thing because that was close. Too close. They both made a mental note to watch their words from then on.

"So you both have my number in case of an emergency. I won't be too far from camp, maybe a mile down the trail, but I believe you two are responsible enough to get along without me-" the teacher stated, insisting "Have fun be safe" as they unloaded the rest of their equipment from the car.

* * *

"So what do you think of this spot, Bar?"

The last 4 hours of hiking and searching for things required for research in his Bio-Chemistry class had been exhausting. Relentlessly searching and having not eaten supper yet, the two of them decided to set up camp before it got too dark out to see.

"This is great. There's space, shade, and a source of water- I should bring you camping with me more often." He joked around. The scenery having enlightened their moods a great deal. The two of them still dancing around unspoken issues only yet to be communicated.

"Okay, than let's set up your tent first. I'll help you, come on." She said and went to reach towards one of their bags, grabbing the stuff they need.

"Do you even need any help at all? You really seem to know what you're doing." He asked and noted the way she'd offered but then took charge of setting up the tent in a timely fashion.

"I mean, theoretically I'll be okay, but I could use a hand reaching the top part of the tent, it's just a little bit out of my reach." She wrestled, jumping on her tip toes but still unable to reach the top clips.

"Don't laugh, okay? The type of tent I usually camp out in isn't this tall, or spacey." She said awkwardly, but he already looked ready to tease her about being shorter than him.

"Hey, you don't have to be so embarrassed about it, Cait. Look on the brighter side of things, you're just the right height to-" "Get on all the rides at an amusement park!" She blurted out in an effort to tease. Okay, rather to save herself from hearing she's just the right height for Barry to kiss her, but she's not actually sure how much longer she can hide the truth him and hearing those advances just makes it a hell of a lot harder to be patient with.

"Uhm, yeah sure." His face grew dimmer at what she said. A fraudulent smile on his lips as she beamed at him like she always had before, only this time it made his heart break a little more. "I'm going to go get firewood, I'll be back." He told her with hesitation in his voice.

He came back and made a pile of wood beside the spot he chose best suitable for the fire. He began setting it up, getting kindling, tinder, dividing it up into all different piles of basic fire building necessities. Though, never once had he tried lighting it aflame. To which Caitlin began to notice he'd been sitting quietly by himself for quite some time.

"Barry, is everything okay?"

She made her way over to him. Not meaning to, but startling poor the poor kid more than she should've.

"Yeah, I guess. I mean, I haven't tried lighting the fire yet if that's what you mean-"

"Hey.." She rested her hands on his shoulders as she leaned over behind him, taking a more gentle approach as compared to the previous one that startled him more than she anticipated. "What's going on, Bar?"

"What do you mean by that, Cait?" He asked suspiciously. His mind driving towards a more dangerous subject.

"Anythi-" She cut herself off. Having caught him falling forwards into his hands to break down one final and consequent time. "Anything, Bar, anything. You know you don't have to wait until you feel like giving up in order to tell me what's going on."

But here he is, having done exactly that, balling, yet neither pushing Caitlin away or drawing her closer. Stuck in a static frame of mind, demanding the answers he's so sick and tired of avoiding 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

"This needs to stop, Cait."

"I'm listening, Bar. What needs to stop?"

"This. All of this. Pretending like we're okay, when we're walking on eggshells every time we speak to each other."

"Oh.."

"We can't go on like this. I refuse to go on like this, Cait. How can we ever have an actual conversation when we're hiding ourselves behind secrets? That's right, we can't. And hiding our feelings doesn't make it any better!" He stood up abruptly, although with a gentle enough force not to knock Caitlin over. "Im going to tell you what's going on with me, everything, and you.. you.." his face began turning a darker shade of red, tears streaming down his face in a sight she swore she never wanted to see again. Dying to know what on earth Caitlin Snow was told, that was capable enough to make her lie to her more-than best-friend. "You need to tell me what's going on that I don't know about." He gently jabbed his finger at Caitlin's chest. Once, twice.. though, as not to hurt her, as she'd willingly leaned closer to him in his fit of tears.

"Okay." She nodded, "I'll tell you."

* * *

"I can't believe this!" Barry was frantic, merely settled by Caitlin's hands rested upon his chest as he no sooner broke out into another fit of tears as everything sunk into his mind. As it all began to make sense. The pills, the lies, the torment, the secrets..

He couldn't believe his childhood best friend and her dad had double crossed him like that. How they'd threatened the only other person he cared about. How they made her stay away during his time of need and recovery. How they pushed him past the breaking point because it was easy to pick on a kid that came fresh from a broken family. How upset they'll probably be when they find out he brought Caitlin on trip with him instead of one of his fellow male associates.

He couldn't believe it, but at least now he knew.

"Bar?" Caitlin nudged at his chest. He now fully understood what had happened behind the scenes and what going on between him, his foster parents, and Caitlin, but now it was his time to share with her. To be open about his feelings, and voice his internal dialog that he's been bottling up for too long.

"Kiss me."

"Wait, Barry I think I misheard-"

"No, you heard me right. I promised you that the next time I wanted to kiss you, I'd ask. So, I'm asking: Caitlin Snow, would you like to kiss me?"

She didn't hesitate to act upon his request. Hands already placed against his chest, and now rising up on her tiptoes to math Barry's height.

She wasn't a whore, no, neither was she a slut. She didn't get around, and she never kissed anybody without a purpose. She was confused before, lurking in muddy waters and unable to see clearly because of the fog. She'd been tied down to another person, having promised to be faithful and never second guessing that choice no matter the circumstance.

Barry reached for her face, guiding his hand through her hair to bring her face closer to hers as he tilted down. Gently, but notably leaving his mark when he pulled back; Lips tasting like hers and swollen with long waited anticipation.

"The perfect height to kiss.." he whispered.

She smiled in response. Her hands moving around his body to stay close to him as she listens to what he has to say.

"You're the perfect height to kiss, Caitlin. Yes, you're also the minimum height needed to ride every roller coaster at the amusement park, but that's a bridge we can cross when we get to it.- If you ever wanted to, say.. go there with me sometime?"

"Yes, but only if it's considered our first date-"

"Caitlin, I would be honoured to call it that."

"So this is it? All lies, all secrets aside, this is the beginning of a real relationship between the two of us?"

"Yeah. It is, but.." he dragged his words out, knowing it'd bother her but god did he ever find it cute when she got all flustered and frustrated.

"Bartholomew Henry Allen don't you dare use the 'but..' word on me!" She glared at him. Stepping back and pointing an accusing finger at him but it was just replaced by Barry breaking out into a fit of laughter.

"Geez, my full name.. All I was going to do was ask you if you wanted to be my girlfriend, Ms. Snow." He teased.

"How do you do that, Barry?" She rolled her eyes. Everything they were saying to each other was in good terms, but the teasing.. it's how they naturally got along.

"What, get on your nerves?" He asked with a genuine smile. Something he's found the courage to recall how to do in the past while since the air had been cleared.

"No.."

"Come again?"

"Maybe.."

"Yeah?"

"Okay, fine! Just stop teasing me, okay? You have the rest of our relationship to do that to me." He raised an eyebrow at her. "Not the _rest of_ \- as if I'd ever break up with you after everything we've come to mean to each other, but if we don't get to building this fire sooner rather than later, you're going to have to deal with a grumpy Caitlin Snow, and trust me, you don't want to deal with me when I'm grumpy." She said now poking _his_ chest with her finger, while he did nothing but raise his hands in defence.

"Alrighty then, grumpy Snow. Don't worry, I think I'll be able to handle you when you're at your worst." He said and winked at her before leaving her flustered, deciding to set up the fire once and for all.

"Caitlin, come on, it's time I teach you how to build a fire."

"What makes you think I don't know how to build a fire?"

"Nothing, but I do enjoy your close company."

And that was the last straw. How he made her heart flutter in record time was, and always will be a mystery to her.

Following through with his plan, he held her hands tightly within his and guided her as they rubbed the two sticks together. She knew how to build a fire, she went camping so often when her dad was alive, but with his face merely inches from hers, she couldn't deny how good it felt not to withhold the way she felt for him anymore. He caught her staring, she could've easily looked away but she didn't. Instead she just kept on looking at him, mesmerized by the cobalt blue of his eyes, not even noticing as he drew a bit closer towards her to lessen the already small space between them. One of his hands came up to caress her cheek, and she put her hand on his as the sparks around the fire caught flame. Both now sitting back as they watched their _creation_ , both literally figuratively build before them.

As Barry prepped dinner for the two of them, he couldn't help but think of everything that had gone on today. Time on time again, he thought it was too late for them; That the possibility of the two of them being together was long since gone; That things would've never turned out the way they had, like they did today. But he knew Caitlin, and he knew himself. And nothing in him felt lost whenever he had Caitlin by his side.

After having supper, both Barry and Caitlin decided to settle for the night. As for their own agreement for privacy, they pitched separate tents; Still placing them right beside each other in case of a midnight crisis, or emergency.Although, that didn't stop Caitlin from starting up new conversation.

"You asleep, Barry?" She asked as she lay close to the edge of the tent.

"I would've been, if you hadn't asked me the same question 10 Minutes ago." He answered jokingly.

"This'll be the last time, I swear. I just, I had a really fun time today. It's been a long time since I've seen you this genuinely happy, and I just wanted to thank you for inviting me to come with you."

"I had a really fun time today too. Thank you, Cait.. For everything."

"Goodnight, Barry."

"Goodnight, Caitlin."

* * *

The next morning, Barry woke up just to find out that Caitlin was still sound asleep in her own tent. He immediately felt a flush of relief knowing he hadn't just dreamt up everything that had happened yesterday. Snapping out of his dream, he got up and went outside to double-check on some of the samples data they'd collected before setting up a new campfire for the busy day ahead.

Caitlin woke up not too much longer and immediately noted Barry had already left his tent. She threw on a new set of clothes and went outside to join him.

"Good morning, Sleepyhead. You look.. flustered?"

"What? No, yeah.. I'm okay." She said accompanied by a yawn and unbroken eye contact, even still.

"If you say so. You know I'll never judge you for staring-"

"Admiring." She corrected.

"Admiring? You mean the sunset, or.." He questioned awkwardly, being new to this whole 'dating' thing and all.

"Yes." She stated nonchalantly. Walking up to him, nearly tripping over her own feet because she'd literally just woken up, but giving him a peck on the cheek as if to say good morning back.

"And you. I like you, Barry Allen."

* * *

After their not so tricky morning with Barry and Caitlin taking turns making breakfast and cleaning up site, they started to continue their research for Barry's bio-chemistry scholarship. It was a relatively easy task for the two of them put together, and soon enough they'd collected everything they'd needed for his research but before they were able to make it back to camp to pack, Barry was hit by a whole new wave of things to worry about.

"Everything alright, Barry?" Caitlin asked when she noticed his posture increasingly stiffen.

"Yeah, Sorry. The thought just popped into my head all of a sudden, and I'm just not entirely thrilled with the idea of going home now that we have everything I need."

"I know, I'm sorry Bar. I wish there was something I could do to change that."

"I know, and I appreciate the thought, but you've done enough for me already." He smiled over at her.

"Than I guess for now.. we should head back to camp? Our ride will be coming soon and-"

"Caitlin Snow is _never_ late." He mimicked, including the sassy eye roll and hand on hip placement he'd grown to love about her. "But yes, you're right. Thanks again, Caitlin."

So when they reached camp, just like Caitlin had predicted, their ride was waiting for them not too much longer after they'd arrived.

* * *

As they headed back to Central City, she noted Barry wasn't the same anxious teenager he was just days ago. The happy-go-lucky, ever joyful guy sitting right beside her was a sight she could get used to seeing in him. But she wondering how long it would last him. Would his sense of self-worth deteriorate once he was thrown back into the hectic environment he came from? Was she becoming overprotective? With all these questions now circulating and floating around in her mind, she hadn't even realized they'd made it home (If Barry could even call his living arrangements a _home_ ).

"You two are neighbours, correct?" The teacher asked to double check he'd dropped the two off at the proper location.

"Yes. Thank you for the ride, Mr. Wells." They both simultaneously replied.

Barry held Caitlin's hand after Mr. Wells pulled away from the curb. It was only for a brief moment, as not to get caught by Joe or Iris, but Caitlin still understood the implication of what he meant by it. Barry was nervous, and he had every right to be.

"Welcome home, Barry." Iris stood in the doorway. "How was your.. trip?" Joe asked, accompanying her not too long after.

"I really enjoyed it; I found it very beneficial. Thank you for allowing me to participate, Joe." Barry stated very formally, about to walk inside the door when suddenly Joe held him by the arm and asked, "Iris, would you please go inside?"

"Is everything alright, Joe? You're gripping my arm fairly tight." Barry said, knees almost buckling.

"Who was that? The girl you just got out of the car with?"

"Oh, no one, I promise-" He felt the need to lie. "Just a girl I know from school, that's all."

"No." Joe said with a straight face. "I want a name."

"But Joe-" Barry said a bit nervously. Inevitably knowing what he had in store, but why would Joe care? Did he know Barry knew what was going on? That Caitlin had told him everything? Or was it just fun to pick on the poor kid because he knew he wouldn't fight back?

"A name, Bartholomew." Joe enforced more strictly this time, using his whole name and tightening the grip around Barry's wrist to the point he can't move his own fingers.

"Caitlin- It was Caitlin." He finally blurted out. Earning freedom from Joe's death grip, but he wasn't into the clearing just yet.

" _She_ was the one who went on that _stupid_ field trip of yours? Was it just the two of you? Was there anyone else with you? Did she say anything to you? Did she tell you-"

"Wait what? Joe, what's gotten into you?"

"Don't change the subject, Barry."

"Okay; Yes, she went on that field-trip with me. Yes, it was just the two of us. Yes, Mr. Wells was there with us-" he answered truthfully. But what was next.. No matter how hard he tried Joe would still be able to see right through his lies. Except, did he have another choice? He took a deep breath and said, "No, she didn't say anything to me. No, she didn't tell me any-"

But before he could say another word, Joe raised his voice at him; Being loud enough to capture the attention of all the people in at least a 2 block radius.

"Liar!" His glare was so intense, so different from the one he knew when Iris and him would have play dates when they were little. The kindness in his eyes had disappeared, completely this time, and it terrified him. It was so unlike him to treat him this way- He was being irrational, _abusive_ , and now he really didn't know what to think of what was going on between the two of them.

He raised a hand at him, threatening, but Barry didn't flinch. He wanted to, so badly, but that's not how his father raised him. He wasn't going to surrender, not again. He knew he didn't have to go through all of this. That the way that Joe was treating him was unethical; And even though his dad was imprisoned, didn't mean he had to feel the same way.

But maybe now wasn't the most ideal moment to stand his ground; Especially when he was dealing with an unexplainably angry Joe, and no later having his determination was met with a great deal of force focused against his abdominal walls.

He was lucky it was just hands pushing him backwards, resulting only in a fall off the front step, (as Joe was a cop and it could've been a lot worse). But when the yelling from moments ago was now replaced with the sound of silence after Barry let out an agonizing noise not even himself knew he was capable of making, he knew not only that he'd never step a foot in that household again, but his arm.. something definitely didn't feel right.

* * *

 **A/N: Thanks for reading another Chapter of Cobalt Blue!**

 **For the longest time I'd been contemplating continuing to write this fan-fiction. I fell out of the ship, it's sad, I know, but I'm back at it! I hope this plot is making sense to you because of course it is no where close to being accurate with any comic book or TV series, albeit the characters chosen; And I apologize for making you all wait so long for an update, but when push comes to shove, I'll try and be more timely and efficient next time. It's uncertain when I'll be able to begin and/or finish Chapter 6 due to schooling and taking time off for myself to benefit my personal well being, but hang in there! I do believe it is safe to say Barry and Caitlin are finally starting to see some progress and growth between the two of them.** **A lot happened in this chapter, and I apologize if there's any confusion, but rambling aside: What do you think happened to Barry? And Joe?, What's his problem?**

 **As always,** **Until next Chapter, -SnowbarryFamily**


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